Tag: truth

She is becoming

by Soulful Storytellers, LLC, posted in Poetry

amanda november 2013

She is still becoming despite her 40+ years.

She is still becoming for she has yet to face all her fears.

She is still becoming trying to fill the gaps in her heart.

She is still becoming waiting for her brand new start.

She is still becoming despite the darkness of her pain

She believes she will find herself again

She understands what she must leave behind

She is eager to see what’s new and will stand in line

She recognizes she had to fall so that she could stand

She recognizes that for her, God has His own plan

She knows patience is a virtue and she must stand tall

She also knows that she must be prepared to answer the call

She is slowly opening her eyes so that she may see

She knows that blindness kept her from accepting reality

She is not allowing others to taint her view

She is removing the tinted glasses and letting the real colors shine through

She will become more than anyone expected her to be

She is becoming amazing and free

She is becoming more creative in her spirit

She is becoming stronger in her fight

She is not a phoenix, for she never allowed herself to become anyone’s ash

She became a warrior, a tribal leader, a ninja, a mighty power who can be brash

She is still becoming for her evolution has no end

Becoming, becoming, becoming so much more than the eye can see

She is becoming

She is me.

For those who have fought the wars of love and won and for those still fighting.

© 2014 Soulmuze, Photo Credits Albert Blackman, Jr. of AlBJ Photography

Just Tired

by Soulful Storytellers, LLC, posted in Eclectic thoughts

We all have those moments when we are just tired. Tired of the bullshit, injustices, knowing abandonment of morals and inconsideration of others. It’s so exhausting! You not only have to keep your focus, maintain patience but you also have to restrain yourself from just going rogue, sadly more people are losing control

I’m so confused and here I expected things to become clearer as I got older. Is it a sign that there is still a lot of growing up left for me?

Listening to news reports, watching people band together to share their displeasure of the injustice in the barrage of stand your ground cases I question ‘where are these people after all is said and done?’ Why do many of only see the injustices in our judicial system but not in their individual lives? How many of those ‘am I next’ protestors are shunning their responsibility to their community, family, lovers or better yet themselves?

I applaud the outpouring of support but I’m also just tired of those who realize the importance of something when it’s exploding all over the news; the tears have been shed or the pall bearers have been selected.

Don’t just stand for something when it’s sensationalized, popular or you realize you can no longer have your cake and eat it too.  Be that advocate in every aspect of yourself and your life.

Social consciousness starts at home. It’s about respect and values. It is held together by the entire village educating one another; understanding one another; listening to one another; fighting and forgiving one another; above all love and respect one another. The great leaders of the world stood on grounds that were beyond themselves. Their lives were imperfect yet they sought perfection. Their eyes and mind were not limited to the four square walls or a few city blocks but extended 360 degrees impacting every arc of the world one degree at a time. Yes the eyes of racism burned red like the site scopes on a gun ensuring destruction of their target. Yet beyond the fight for equality they fought for humanity.

While we only focus on the injustice within “the black community” the injustice rolls and gets bigger much like the snowball as it rolls across the uneven snowbound plains. Somewhere at any given time a human being, be it an infant to the elderly, is suffering from some form of injustice. They are the ones who are ignored by global media like the teenage boy that was suffocated by officers in a mall; the baby that’s beaten to death because he or she won’t stop crying; the heavyset girl who’s teased and kills herself from diet pills; the unsolved murders that faded away in the media and the family still has no closure; human trafficking and the list goes on…

I’m just tired actually exhausted that the lynchings have not stopped. We have just found new ways to destroy each other over and over. We destroy each other mentally, physically, emotionally and yes even spiritually.

Growing up an only child I often wondered why only have one. Then when I heard people say they didn’t want children I thought why not? But as I grow and the world changes I do understand one and none. Now as a parent I think ‘how am I going to protect my child from a world gone mad and getting madder by the second.’  I can lay my life down for her but when I’m gone who will be her shield? Will I be able to raise her to be strong enough to stand alone if she has too? Will there be any villagers left that share the values I instill in her so they can unite for strength and survival?

Thoughts overwhelm me and often bring me to tears. The emotional immaturity of many has me just tired. My over analysis of things doesn’t help either.. I guess. I’m sure I’m not the only one who feels this way, at least I hope not. It may change and I’m sure it will but for today this has left me just tired.

© 2014 Soulmuze

If I take your words

by Soulful Storytellers, LLC, posted in Poetry

If I take your words in pieces

I create the story I want to tell

That of rainbows, sunshine and happy times

That of you being all mine

 

But a fool I shall not be

No piece meal of words to match the piece meal of ‘love’

The tokens you chose to throw to get where you want to go

 

I hear the full story, line by line

I see those things you think you can hide

Like my heart is not cold my eyes are not blind

I know we do not share the ties that bind

 

Your colorful lyrics and momentary gestures do not mean a lifetime together

They are just meant to get me to do whatever

 

This game we can no longer play for with you I will not stay

For while you gave me pieces I found my whole

One who loves me truly from the core of his soul

 

“When that defining moment comes it will be unlike any other. It will validate all the no’s for now you have the ultimate YES!”

© Soulmuze 2013

Ultimate Thresholds, do they truly exist?

by Soulful Storytellers, LLC, posted in Eclectic thoughts

Have you considered your dead end threshold, the ultimate violation (in your eyes) which once that line is crossed there is no turning back.

I, like the rest of the world, had/has/will continue to have my fair of shit thrown at me.  When I think about the wrong done to me which triggered my retaliation I start thinking, is this the justification for evolution… Don’t monkeys throw shit at each other ?… Hmmmm

Don’t get mad, get even… But what happened to do unto others as you would have them to do unto you? … Unless you get off on negative behaviors you may not want to live your life in a spiral of warring with mankind.

The handbook for life is the most unique book ever created and only one is written per person. We each author our own book, creating our own  rules and exceptions on a case by case basis. We determine that final ultimate violation rule that no matter who you are once crossed it’s a done deal. You may as well sell your soul to the devil because that relationship is over…

 Or is it? I think we all have some type of morals, at minimum an ounce, so why do we often ignore that final line? Is it the forgive -forget factor or nobody’s perfect; it will get better if I just do this one thing; acknowledgement of karma; lack of confidence that a better relationship awaits us; are we so caught up in what other people think our actions become determined by society’s view; or do we simply enjoy the pain and humiliation?

Let me clarify, when I say relationship I’m speaking of any type of relationship, this isn’t solely about the intimacy spectrum, it’s every and any relationship. 

Every moment we face this dilemma of managing thresholds and sticking to our personalized life handbook.  No matter how hard we try avoid it, we keep rewriting our thresholds and expanding the exception list. To get what we want we add work-arounds to our personalized handbook,  aligning with someone else’s, over time slowly corrupting the lines. darkening or lightening those areas that once defined your uniqueness and tolerance levels.

We all know that one person who will say “I will never!”, better yet you are that one person who said and will continue to say “Hell no! If that was me… I would never..” (Think about what I just said)…

Replay parts of your life how many times have you or that one friend eaten those words? Not only do we throw the shit we eat it too! Does it make us bad, stupid, immoral, desperate…? No that’s what makes us human. We will judge others for their decisions and justify those same decisions when applied to self.

So do we really have that drop dead ultimate threshold line? One of the most popular tattoos to date is “only God can judge me” oh really now… So why do we ALL have something to say about someone? Our whole entertainment system is designed to fuel opinions, our court system has a judge and jury, the media has their opinion, our parents are our judge until we can stand independently, etc. So do you truly believe only God can judge you?… God gave man the will to make our own decisions which lead to judgment of man by man.

Until the end-of-days arrive we will judge each other be it right or wrong.

We will adjust that threshold even though we know better because we need to either satisfy ourselves or please the masses.

Ultimate thresholds, do they truly exist?

© Soulmuze 2013

Take a look at yourself…Priceless

by Soulful Storytellers, LLC, posted in Eclectic thoughts

I was thinking about the things my mother said you know the stuff that sticks when you’re trying not to listen.  I thought about the choices I made, the people I surround myself with then suddenly my thoughts went deeper. You know into the part of your subconscious where you throw all the things you can’t or don’t want to accept. At first I thought I’m clearly having a melt-down, but then I said I need to take a look at ME. Why? Because there are aspects of me, my life and my values that don’t seem to fit the “norm,” (whatever that is). Is it me? Am I missing something? Am I so abnormal? I mean I’m an immigrant to the United States, they called us “Resident Aliens” until we became “Naturalized Citizens”, but am I still an Alien? (These name tags add to our f’up society, why can’t we just be human beings?)…

My subconscious, who I named ColorfulSpirt, said to me:

What is it that drives your likes, your taste in men, choice in friends, the colors you choose? What do you think will complete you? What do you need to close that gap that has you wearing that perfected smile which is often far from genuine to heal the wound that no amount of ointment or band aids can cover…”I’m ok” is not a cure all, it’s a postpone all as you deny all…

My reply:

ColorfulSpirit, I just don’t know anymore. I have reinvented myself, taken failures to make them successes, tried to listen more, be loyal, giving, reasonable, honest, stronger… Yet it seems the reinvention quickly becomes obsolete; my strength is failing; my loyalty, giving and honesty is often abused; the weight on my shoulders make my knees buckle and my heart ache.

ColorfulSpirit:

Well you gave yourself the name Soulmuze and that was not a random decision. You searched within yourself for a name that would define your essence.

  •  “Soul” because of your sense of identity, spiritual and emotional nature in which you will leave an immortal mark on anyone or anything you touch.
  •  “Muze” because of your nature of self-reflection, a guiding spirit, a source of inspiration.
  • The ‘Z’ replaces the ‘S’ in Muze to represent the fact that there is no one exactly like you.

 As a child you were always viewed as different, you accepted that difference, you worked thru it, and used it to become the woman you are today. Your destiny is to be the woman you are and no matter how long the path or the branch on the tree of life you will get what is yours and yours alone. Differences built both positive and negative in this world, so don’t allow any to tear down the woman you worked so hard to be!

 Well, ColorfulSpirit was and is always enlightening. We often ignore and de-value our subconscious, but when we step back and take a look at ourselves we find the lost treasures of who we are, what makes us unique and valuable. Even if no one else acknowledges your worth you should never let go of it… priceless.

© Soulmuze 2013

 

In the end the only secret you keep is immortality, or is it?

by Soulful Storytellers, LLC, posted in Eclectic thoughts

We all have secrets both good and bad. Are keeping secrets healthy? Are they necessary? Well the good secrets are okay since the intention is to reveal them with a smile.

We often think what we don’t know won’t hurt us but when truth comes to light it’s a whole new ball game.

More often than not we think secrets or deception is the best way. Who are we truly protecting? No one. Who do we hurt? Everyone. Secrets are like untreated wounds the longer they stay the worse it becomes. They fester, get infected and you can lose a part or all of yourself.

Often times we keep secrets to avoid hurting those we love. If we truly love would we have put ourselves in a position to have a hurtful secret? Hurt is hurt. Pain is pain. Keeping information does not cancel out the emotional impact. As a matter of fact the longer you keep a secret the greater the pain it can cause.  Time helps us cope with all wounds so why delay the process.

Parents don’t hide truths from your children. Say a prayer then share. You set the stage for what children will do when they become adults. You teach your children not to lie yet you keep vital information from them. Then in death it is revealed and the scars you leave behind can never be addressed. You are no longer physically present to help them understand the what’s and why’s… irreparable damage

The importances of secrets lead to the creation of various government agencies. They are designed to protect us from what we don’t know, to keep us controlled and from overall mass hysteria that may result from knowing our impending doom, mMakes sense? Despite those agencies people are still losing their minds over conspiracy theories; plots to wipe out an entire race; satanic orders, etc. When 9/11 occurred secrets were revealed too late which could have lead to saving the lives of thousands. This is all speculation, but you never know and we never will… or will we?

If we spent less time with our head in the sand we may be better equipped to handle threats of terrorism, Mother Nature’s outbursts or man’s mistakes when they attempt to play God.

Again, these are just thoughts that run through my mind with no definitive answers. If you are a believer of God you know your book of law whether you call it The Bible, Torah, Quran, etc., revels the beginning, the middle and the ‘end’ or rebirth of days. We have all heard of the ‘lost books’ which are said to be hidden in an undisclosed (secret) location. If they are hidden they are not lost and we are being deprived of valuable life lessons.

Wearing masks and providing selective information yet we are always being  ‘real and honest.’ Our judicial system works on the premise of ‘telling the whole truth and  nothing but the truth’, kind of ironic isn’t it. Guess it actually translates to what you think is true to you and not actually what is. Hence, the wrongful conviction of the innocent and freedom of the guilty (often those who are charged to protect us).

No matter how you slice it over time truths are revealed so the only person you fool in the end is yourself.

Is the only secret you take to your grave is that of immortality? Do good deeds to help mankind, establish a foundation of positive values, train our children in the way they should go, give honestly, talk openly… These behaviors create a legacy and become a practice that can be repeated generation after generation and this I believe is the secret to immortality…

© Soulmuze 2012

Reflections

by Soulful Storytellers, LLC, posted in Eclectic thoughts

We look at mirrors and think the reflections answers it all. What we see is what we get… NOT! Ever heard of the Iceberg Theory? Simply defined: we only view the visible portion, the tip and ignore what lies beneath the surface; taking things at face value.

Beneath the surface lies the true definition of who’s looking back at you.  Reflections are just a mask, ignoring what’s beneath the mask can lead us to fear, disappointment and heartache.

We create internal fun houses running thru mazes, distorting views of ourselves and our lives; creating scenarios based on a surface view and never delve deeper. We fail to recognize that no matter how deep it is buried it will rise to the top. Why wait until it floats up? Why are we afraid to deep dive into ourselves? Maybe it’s because we are afraid that the truth will not align to what we want. Maybe it’s just easy to pretend as we are emotionally rotting within.

Science fiction movies come to mind. Aliens walking around, blending in with their outer human shell. Spreading their venom, converting others, building a universe of hideous creatures. Sounds silly doesn’t it? Think about it, we deceive one another with fake smiles, false hopes and expectations.  Sometimes this deception is unintentional and then there are those who knowingly set out on a mission to destroy others just to get what they desire.

At what point does it stop? Enough already! When will that pitching ball machine run out of damn balls! Life’s ball machine is going wild and you are trapped in the batting cage swinging wildly. You hit some, miss many and are severely bruised.

Can we continue to comfortably look at our reflections and accept the image?  The alien in the reflection is not what we are designed to be. We cannot allow those bruises to become permanent scars that mark every facet of our being. Scars that we end up projecting onto others. We must strengthen our resolves get below the surface, walk up to that pitching machine and pull the plug.

“…To thine own self be true…” said Polonius to his son in William Shakespeare’s Hamlet

When we are true to ourselves we can be true to others. Truth is not always glamorous but neither is life.  Look beyond the mask, the face value really is worthless, look within yourself and others. Successful lifelong relationships are not built on a reflection; it has a dependency of a solid foundation which is found within your core.

©Soulmuze 2012