Tag: thoughts

Take a look at yourself…Priceless

by Soulful Storytellers, LLC, posted in Eclectic thoughts

I was thinking about the things my mother said you know the stuff that sticks when you’re trying not to listen.  I thought about the choices I made, the people I surround myself with then suddenly my thoughts went deeper. You know into the part of your subconscious where you throw all the things you can’t or don’t want to accept. At first I thought I’m clearly having a melt-down, but then I said I need to take a look at ME. Why? Because there are aspects of me, my life and my values that don’t seem to fit the “norm,” (whatever that is). Is it me? Am I missing something? Am I so abnormal? I mean I’m an immigrant to the United States, they called us “Resident Aliens” until we became “Naturalized Citizens”, but am I still an Alien? (These name tags add to our f’up society, why can’t we just be human beings?)…

My subconscious, who I named ColorfulSpirt, said to me:

What is it that drives your likes, your taste in men, choice in friends, the colors you choose? What do you think will complete you? What do you need to close that gap that has you wearing that perfected smile which is often far from genuine to heal the wound that no amount of ointment or band aids can cover…”I’m ok” is not a cure all, it’s a postpone all as you deny all…

My reply:

ColorfulSpirit, I just don’t know anymore. I have reinvented myself, taken failures to make them successes, tried to listen more, be loyal, giving, reasonable, honest, stronger… Yet it seems the reinvention quickly becomes obsolete; my strength is failing; my loyalty, giving and honesty is often abused; the weight on my shoulders make my knees buckle and my heart ache.

ColorfulSpirit:

Well you gave yourself the name Soulmuze and that was not a random decision. You searched within yourself for a name that would define your essence.

  •  “Soul” because of your sense of identity, spiritual and emotional nature in which you will leave an immortal mark on anyone or anything you touch.
  •  “Muze” because of your nature of self-reflection, a guiding spirit, a source of inspiration.
  • The ‘Z’ replaces the ‘S’ in Muze to represent the fact that there is no one exactly like you.

 As a child you were always viewed as different, you accepted that difference, you worked thru it, and used it to become the woman you are today. Your destiny is to be the woman you are and no matter how long the path or the branch on the tree of life you will get what is yours and yours alone. Differences built both positive and negative in this world, so don’t allow any to tear down the woman you worked so hard to be!

 Well, ColorfulSpirit was and is always enlightening. We often ignore and de-value our subconscious, but when we step back and take a look at ourselves we find the lost treasures of who we are, what makes us unique and valuable. Even if no one else acknowledges your worth you should never let go of it… priceless.

© Soulmuze 2013

 

Why do you look down when you walk?

by Soulful Storytellers, LLC, posted in Poetry

Why do you look down when you walk?

Are you marking your steps?

Watching the cracks in the sidewalk?

Why do you look down when you walk?

Trying to dodge that pile of shit or avoiding where you saw that man spit?

Why do you look down when you walk?

Do you really think you can see your way

With your head held down day after day

Take a chance, a peep, a glance

I take my right index figure and lift your chin

Now you will see life begin

Do not cast your eyes down low

Look upwards to see the blue sky glow

Do not hold your head down when you walk

For you have no reason to feel shame

Exude the confidence within

Replace that solemn mouth with a slight grin

What was called yesterday has gone

Today will soon end

Tomorrow is your pathway to win!!

Look down no more for the world is not as flat or dirty as the floor

 

© Soulmuze

 

Thoughts at a Passion Party

by Soulful Storytellers, LLC, posted in Eclectic thoughts

There are so many places we go, things we support and do without a second thought. I recently attended a “Passion Party,” you know what I’m talking about. They are called by varying names depending on the franchise but it all boils down to a sexual enhancement purchase party.

This was the first one I attended and I must say it was fun. The ladies in attendance really know how to bring life to any room, and the product demonstrations added to the evening LMAO!. My first rule of the evening was “I’m not going to the bathroom to try anything. TMI!” … moving right along.

As we played games, laughed, tasted edible lotions and watched interesting gadgets of varying sizes my mind briefly wandered. Not to that of sexual fantasies but more towards the need for these toys and how it aligns with passion and pampering. At the event I was the only single woman. As I listened to the others I learned their view on intimacy and the role these items played within their respective relationships. Just like eating food we add different things to spice up the taste, same goes for incorporating items to fulfill your sexual fantasies. Yet, as a single, I had a different thought; status always alters one’s views…

Women have needs regardless of their relationship status. These products fill the void for the single or enhance it for the involved. As a single how long does the satisfaction of this artificial enhancement truly last? They are supposed to serve as place holder yet they become full out replacements for many. I hear many women praise their bullets and rabbits more than they say they long for physical intimacy or love their mate.

The role these products once played has evolved from adding a little creativity between lovers to being a replacement for the single or unsatisfied woman. It takes me to over think some damn sex toys but I really couldn’t help it. I couldn’t stop the thoughts, is this the road I have to travel as a single woman? Once I start taking that trip will I just say fuck it, this works for me? Throw in a couple of cats or a pocketbook dog and keep it moving? Yes I am dramatic but remember I’m also sensitive and still have a smidgen of hope in fairy tales.

Will “Bob” (battery operated boyfriend) be my life partner? Pros: he will be ready on spot, go wherever I ask him, no arguments as long as I keep him charged up and loyal until his dying day. Cons: can’t talk to me, kiss me, hold me, look me in my eyes and tell me how good I feel, tell me how good ‘it’ is, can’t laugh with me or wipe my tears, and the list goes on.

Bob cannot give me anything that defines true passion that’s found when engaging with another human being. Passion is beyond an orgasm; it’s an amorous feeling or desire. Pampering is to treat or gratify often with extreme indulgence. Hmmm is this mechanical water resistant tool truly enough to satisfy my passion and pamper me? The tool that gives me what I yearn is attached to a full bodied man who’s hips move rhythmically with mine. One who wraps his strong arms around me, as we create a moment that will be unlike the previous and not as good as the next one to come. The warmth from two bodies each one caressing the other, appreciating the curves whether they are large or small, and if only for that moment in time extending a feeling of sheer amorous perfection. Don’t think that Bob can do all of that, do you?

I mean beyond the toy what good are edible lotions if I have to eat them myself? Or candles that melt into massage oils for me to massage myself? I don’t see any fun in that. Bob may get me off, but really the annoying buzzing and clicking a button to change the speed to increase pleasure… mechanical love making? Bad enough some men are mechanical, but damn at least you have a chance to teach them. Bob will never be anything more than an instrument, a man-made reminder that the extent of my sexual satisfaction is dependent on Duracell, Energizer or whatever triple-A’s are on the market.

Now, I’m not knocking the hustle, sex sells in all forms! If there weren’t a demand then the market wouldn’t exist. These items are the sole provider of sexual satisfaction for many singles and that’s all good … for them but for right now I don’t think it’s enough for me. As silly as this may sound, a knock-off to get-off just won’t do! LOL  Maybe one day I will be a full out convert, just not today.

In the meantime, I will still enjoy the banter of the ladies at the Passion Party, laugh at the gadgets and enjoy the games. After all it’s still a party…

© Soulmuze 2012

WOW…

by Soulful Storytellers, LLC, posted in Eclectic thoughts

No matter how prepared you think you are, you always seem to get caught out there.  Every time it happens you think ‘WOW! I should have known better’ or  ‘WOW! What the hell was I thinking?!’

When caught in the “WOW” we  tend to be emotionally confused, should we cry, laugh, bang our head against the wall or just beat someone’s ass! All of your emotions come into play at one time and you feel like a deer in headlights…! You know the saying “the more things change the more they stay the same,” I would like to think it’s not true but so said so done.

Then they say “change the players, change the game.” WOW, now that sounds like a plan, the players change, new strategy and guess what the same outcome. “WOW” Guess we missed the loophole in the clause… the mentality of the players! It’s like the old commercial “oops I should’ve had a V-8” as you pop yourself in the head (dated myself with that one).

It seems that no matter our experiences some feel that it is fitting to continue with the same behaviors. With each experience there should be some positive growth but instead many find a way to justify their behavior, making the wrong seem right, holding on to the same mentality. Now, how much hurt or disappointment do you have to distribute or receive before you realize that you should reconsider your behavior… thought process? Everyone else’s experience is not yours and do you believe you will have a lifetime of ‘free passes’? Karma is real. Being an avid attendee at church doesn’t eradicate your sins. It’s your actions that dictate your standing, please believe it!

These WOW moments are coming fast and furious yet people don’t want to change their thought process. Look at the news: racial justification for murder; women being beaten and abused; sex trafficking of children; our judicial system with laws that are modified by the color of your skin; our children can tell you every sexual position and are having babies like rabbits, they don’t have examples of solid relationship, the value of marriage, family or appreciate the value of their community; and so on and so on…

Getting caught in the WOW is really disturbing and really making me become more disillusioned with mankind overall. We are far from perfect and are born with the gift of choice. Why do we continue with the same thinking that lends itself to the same negative behavior?  WOW, are we all just insane? (lol).  I clearly understand “when people say if I knew then what I know now.” So if you know it now, than act on it now, is the past behavior that sweet that you must continue to fuel it? Changing your mentality may lead you to creating sweeter moments beyond your imagination, making a small positive change that may be big to another person or the next generation.

Why do we belittle other people’s feelings? I’m so confuzzled by that too! You may not agree or understand how they feel, but damn don’t always chalk it up to being dramatic or stupid. Someone told me I was a fool to ever think that things will ever be better or I would ever get better… WOW, well a fool I will be, since it’s better than being an all out selfish asshole. Not everyone in the world let’s things roll like water off a duck’s back. I’m still hoping that one day I will have better faith in mankind, but based on what I read, hear and feel, it won’t be today…

© Soulmuze 2012

Emotional negotiator

by Soulful Storytellers, LLC, posted in Eclectic thoughts

Miss Optimistic, that’s me! Always seeing the bright side. The silver lining on that nasty black cloud and the half full yet dirty glass. As time moves on I look at where I am, how I got here versus where I wanted to be. In that process I realized “what a frickin’ idiot!” Why? In my effort to rationalize I lost so much of myself and maybe you are doing the same.

We are taught to have faith and never give up hope. In this we negotiate our feelings. Creating a false sense of security. When those optimistic hopes fall to the way side we are devastated. We overlook all the signs of what is and instead create fairy tales.

“The story ends, as stories do, reality steps into view. No longer living life in paradise – of fairy tales…” Anita Baker reminds us that we will have to wake up and see things for what they are…eventually.

Could we possibly deal with disappointment better if we faced and braced for impact?

Many have become emotional negotiators for which I am so guilty of. No matter how bad it looks we find ways to soften the blow but then we justify the action in the hopes it will lead to our desires. Like a battered spouse or child being abused or beaten and equating it with love for fear of being alone.

We are hurting ourselves by denying the truth. We shouldn’t be embarrassed or afraid to say, “it’s not ok! I am hurting!” Pour the water out the glass so it can be left empty and dirty.

We allow the view of others to dictate our responses. You know ‘yes everything is fine’ with a smile because you don’t want to admit your mistake or that they were right all along.

“Bag lady you gone hurt your back, dragging all them bags like that. I guess nobody ever told you all you must hold on to is you,is you…” Erykah Badu’s words are like a mantra we need to repeat as a therapeutic release. All you have ‘is you.’

Weighing yourself down with emotional baggage takes away the light from your eyes and diminishes the love of yourself. Stop denying your feelings, brace yourself for the outcome. It will hurt, you will feel like you crash landed, you will cry but it won’t be an endless ocean. When the healing is complete you will be a little wiser, a little stronger and you will recognize when

“…the fantasy is over,my life must now begin…”

And always remember to…

“…pack light, pack light …”

For the next journey.

(c) Soulmuze 2012

Love is real, I am love

by Soulful Storytellers, LLC, posted in Eclectic thoughts

Tapping your feet, shaking your shoulders complimented by a little head move as you listen to Mary J’s “Real love…I’m searching for a real love, someone to set my heart free…” Yeah, it’s one that doesn’t get old…wait the remix, more vigorous body response required lol.

Here I go “damn I want a real love too” and who doesn’t for that matter.

What’s unreal about ‘love’? Love, the greatest of all things known to mankind. Love is the root of our very existence. How can we say ‘love’ itself is not real? It’s the one thing believers of God and Agnostics have in common.

Everything about ‘love’ is real. So why are we all searching for something we already have? Love is pure and conditional. Yes I said love is conditional!  The condition is reciprocation. We are to love and love in return. Doesn’t that constitute a condition? If you don’t get,  do you continue to give?  Do we love each other regardless…? We should but often we don’t.

Love is real! We are who are unreal and corrupt the purist thing we share. We confuse love with lust, love with sex, love with selfish desires.
We hurt one another and blame love. We can’t be faithful in relationships and blame love
We abuse our children, our community, our bodies and blame love.

Love is real, we aren’t. Love never fails, we fail. How we express love is unreal. We are often so twisted that when pure love is standing in plain view we ignore it. Sadly many only recognize all the love wasted and lost when they are nearing the end of their earthly journey.

I am real love, I’m not searching for it because it’s within me.  What I really want is someone to share their real love with me. We can magnify one another, rise above the ‘unreal’, and create a reciprocating environment knowing that come what may love conquers all.

“I am love, waiting here to give you what you need, like you do for me…” Jennifer Holiday couldn’t have sung it better…

© Soulmuze 2012

Dark Socks

by Soulful Storytellers, LLC, posted in Eclectic thoughts

Ever walk around with a pair of dark socks and see how much dust it attracts? Pretty annoying isn’t it?

Here you thought your house was as clean as it could be. Your socks are picking up these tiny particles. The more it collects the more visible they become. Those dark socks that were clean are now dusty.

Those dark socks have just delivered a message to you. Yup things are not as clean as they appear. No matter how small and unnoticeable something is over time it collects and grows. You can’t spend your life just coasting, taking advantage of others and think you will always be in the clear.

Do you remember when our parents told us to put ourselves in the other person’s shoes? Step outside of yourself by replacing your name with theirs? If you say you’re ok with being in that position odds are, you’re in denial because you want what you want regardless. No one with any sense of morals or positive values will be okay being used, played, a place holder until better comes along, a part-time lover/friend/jump-off, whatever, indefinitely. At some point it will not be enough, it’s our nature to want more.

As we get older our needs and wants change, the roulette game of life becomes less appealing. When the things we can’t control become over bearing we need to know that we have people in our corner to lean on. Those damn dark socks with those pesky dust particles! Let’s think about Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, it’s a pyramid. The base defines our physiological needs: breathing, food, water, sex, sleep,  we elevate from one layer to the next safety, love/belonging, esteem and at the top self-actualization. When you reach the top of the pyramid, the peak, you recognize your power – potential; you have (to some degree) mastered the previous layers. You are no longer satisfied with being a particle of dust amongst many. Your individuality must be recognized, appreciated, harnessed, what can you bring to the table that can add to another, you are ready to give your whole self and want whole in return. It doesn’t mean you won’t have questions or doubts in some areas, but you can’t settle for just being a member in everyone’s string band.

Men and women are emotionally driven. Some more than others and emotions evolve and devolve at varying rates. Technology has simplified our lives, but has also taken away an important need, our need to confront one another face-to-face. We need to look at each other, talk to one another, read one another’s body language, and wipe one another’s tears. Our only touch shouldn’t not be sexual in nature! How can we reduce and eliminate those little particles that are hindering our growth without physical interaction.  It’s important to engage in social intercourse so that you know where another stand on anything. Stop making assumptions that everything is gravy while your socks are collecting dust.

© Soulmuze 2012

The Bare Essence of Love

by Soulful Storytellers, LLC, posted in Poetry

As you hustle for that perfect Valentine gift for that special someone remember it’s beyond the day, the minute, the moment. If it’s true it will be eternal and not influenced by outsiders or corrupted by society’s views. The symbolic token is an enhancer for the bare essence of love.

Focus, adjust the lens, check the lighting and click.

The picture has been taken and now we evaluate to determine if it will be discarded or evolve into a series of consecutive masterpieces.

The masterpieces begin…you have just captured the bare essence of love.

Lyrically sweet, syncing to one another’s beats.

Sharing passions, freeing your inhibitions, entering territories forbidden to all others.

The bare essence of love

Syrupy sweet and bitter root the symbolic journey of two becoming one.

Unified and distinct. Only then do you realize that you were a mere half and now your whole.

The bare essence of love.

Passion remains even in adversity. Strengthen the bond thru each laugh and raindrops of tears.

You may not finish every sentence or complete every thought but united you stand after the wars that were fought.

The bare essence of love.

Daily expressions not date driven. Said or unsaid, energy radiates from inside out.

Admiration of what you share no other will compare.

The bare essence of love.

Loving one another becomes your religion. The greatest gift that surpasses all other.

The gift that lead to our existence.

The bare essence of love permeates thru your union and engrains itself in every fiber of your being.

When you capture the bare essence of love, it is, and always will be soulfully yours…

© Soulmuze 2012

Overindulgence

by Soulful Storytellers, LLC, posted in Eclectic thoughts

How did we get to this point of constant overindulgence? We have gone from large to x-large to xx-large to fuck it let’s just SUPER SIZE IT! We never seem to have enough. Our global economies are crumbling. We blame the financial institutions, the government but never the role we played in this debacle. Did the banks tell us to use all of our available credit? Did the bank tell us to buy that car or house we couldn’t afford? Did the government tell us to live beyond our financial means?

Just because credit is extended it is up to us to know our limitations. No one forced you to use it all. The choice was and still ours to make.

Our ancestors contributed to the growth of our world not for us to overindulge but to make our lives easier. Their goal was to bring us comfort so that we didn’t have to work ourselves from the cradle to the grave. The age of retirement increases like the national debt! Look what we have done to ourselves, our indulgences has lead to our inability to control our greed.

When you saw an overweight person it was once associated with genetics or a medical condition. Increasingly it’s now the result of what and how much we eat.

Relationships were once one-to-one now it’s one-to-many. You can barely handle one but what the hell let’s just throw in a couple of side pieces, much like ordering a bucket of chicken… ‘can I get a mixture of mild and spicy, yes I want legs, wings, thighs oh don’t forget the  breasts like you did the last time.’… lol

Let’s not ignore the spread of sexual diseases.  Over indulgence with multiple partners, under utilization of condoms and other birth control methods. Increasing deaths by AIDS,   increasing abortions, increasing infertility, increasing children having children, increasing dependency on the welfare system, increasing taxes to support our increasing (often immoral)  indulgences.

WE need to accept OUR part in the state of these affairs. No one is exempted. We overindulged in that which is not truly a necessity for our existence…the wants.  We under indulge in…the needs.

We need to be honest; faithful; community minded; pay attention to our family; raise our children as a village; stop allowing the media to represent us as immoral and uneducated; remember the sacrifices of our ancestors; and the list goes on…

“Your body is your temple, your values are your foundation.

They must be aligned to create a solid path for your family… our collective futures.”

BT Express comes to mind on this one, “People know just what they’d like to do, whatever it is, you’ve got it, long as it pleases you. Make it last as long as you can, when you’re through it’s up to you to try it again. Come on and do it, do it, do it til’ you’re satisfied. Whatever it is, do it …”

WOW, who knew we would live these lyrics to the fullest and then some! Where is your point of satisfaction?

© Soulmuze 2012

Opening…

by Soulful Storytellers, LLC, posted in Eclectic thoughts

Are our thoughts truly new and profound? Or is it just the slight twist in the delivery that gets people thinking. Words awakening the spirit and stimulating a new thought or better yet activating an existing one you have chosen to ignore.

We may share the same story, but how we tell it differs on it’s impact. We are all unique by design, yet we share the same pain, concerns, needs and wants… or do we? See how easily we create confusion within ourselves, changing a punctuation changes our lives forever.

We hide behind our fears and scares. Hesitating to open ourselves, stiffling emotions and growth. When a flower refuses to bloom it’s beauty is trapped inside, wilts and fades. It’s lost and wasted. For the others that dare to open, it’s beauty is embraced, enjoyed and when it wilts and fades we have attached memorable moments to it’s existence.

It’s time to OPEN ourselves, reach within the depths of our beings so that we can know who we truly are. Share this transition with someone you love and trust. We were not designed to stand or do it alone. A world was OPENed for us, OPEN your world with someone.

“Creation begins with the OPENING of a seed which allows itself to be fertilized.”

© Soulmuze 2012