Tag: relationships

Thoughts at a Passion Party

by Soulful Storytellers, LLC, posted in Eclectic thoughts

There are so many places we go, things we support and do without a second thought. I recently attended a “Passion Party,” you know what I’m talking about. They are called by varying names depending on the franchise but it all boils down to a sexual enhancement purchase party.

This was the first one I attended and I must say it was fun. The ladies in attendance really know how to bring life to any room, and the product demonstrations added to the evening LMAO!. My first rule of the evening was “I’m not going to the bathroom to try anything. TMI!” … moving right along.

As we played games, laughed, tasted edible lotions and watched interesting gadgets of varying sizes my mind briefly wandered. Not to that of sexual fantasies but more towards the need for these toys and how it aligns with passion and pampering. At the event I was the only single woman. As I listened to the others I learned their view on intimacy and the role these items played within their respective relationships. Just like eating food we add different things to spice up the taste, same goes for incorporating items to fulfill your sexual fantasies. Yet, as a single, I had a different thought; status always alters one’s views…

Women have needs regardless of their relationship status. These products fill the void for the single or enhance it for the involved. As a single how long does the satisfaction of this artificial enhancement truly last? They are supposed to serve as place holder yet they become full out replacements for many. I hear many women praise their bullets and rabbits more than they say they long for physical intimacy or love their mate.

The role these products once played has evolved from adding a little creativity between lovers to being a replacement for the single or unsatisfied woman. It takes me to over think some damn sex toys but I really couldn’t help it. I couldn’t stop the thoughts, is this the road I have to travel as a single woman? Once I start taking that trip will I just say fuck it, this works for me? Throw in a couple of cats or a pocketbook dog and keep it moving? Yes I am dramatic but remember I’m also sensitive and still have a smidgen of hope in fairy tales.

Will “Bob” (battery operated boyfriend) be my life partner? Pros: he will be ready on spot, go wherever I ask him, no arguments as long as I keep him charged up and loyal until his dying day. Cons: can’t talk to me, kiss me, hold me, look me in my eyes and tell me how good I feel, tell me how good ‘it’ is, can’t laugh with me or wipe my tears, and the list goes on.

Bob cannot give me anything that defines true passion that’s found when engaging with another human being. Passion is beyond an orgasm; it’s an amorous feeling or desire. Pampering is to treat or gratify often with extreme indulgence. Hmmm is this mechanical water resistant tool truly enough to satisfy my passion and pamper me? The tool that gives me what I yearn is attached to a full bodied man who’s hips move rhythmically with mine. One who wraps his strong arms around me, as we create a moment that will be unlike the previous and not as good as the next one to come. The warmth from two bodies each one caressing the other, appreciating the curves whether they are large or small, and if only for that moment in time extending a feeling of sheer amorous perfection. Don’t think that Bob can do all of that, do you?

I mean beyond the toy what good are edible lotions if I have to eat them myself? Or candles that melt into massage oils for me to massage myself? I don’t see any fun in that. Bob may get me off, but really the annoying buzzing and clicking a button to change the speed to increase pleasure… mechanical love making? Bad enough some men are mechanical, but damn at least you have a chance to teach them. Bob will never be anything more than an instrument, a man-made reminder that the extent of my sexual satisfaction is dependent on Duracell, Energizer or whatever triple-A’s are on the market.

Now, I’m not knocking the hustle, sex sells in all forms! If there weren’t a demand then the market wouldn’t exist. These items are the sole provider of sexual satisfaction for many singles and that’s all good … for them but for right now I don’t think it’s enough for me. As silly as this may sound, a knock-off to get-off just won’t do! LOL  Maybe one day I will be a full out convert, just not today.

In the meantime, I will still enjoy the banter of the ladies at the Passion Party, laugh at the gadgets and enjoy the games. After all it’s still a party…

© Soulmuze 2012

Thank you…

by Soulful Storytellers, LLC, posted in Eclectic thoughts

As I listen to Estelle’s “Thank You” I’m thinking wow in 4 minutes and 47 seconds she has captured my feelings on past relationships.

More often than not, the ones that mean something to you end as a result of one of you not being enough for other. Can’t really say who’s to blame but instead of gracefully writing off the chapter some find  it easier to cheat. When relationships end on a cheating note each person questions what they brought or didn’t bring to the table. Too much of one thing, not enough of another so a third party is pulled in to fill the gaps. Ultimately the gaps that we’re attempting to fill actually widen and become more complex.

Relationships can’t be handled like juggling balls in a circus act. It requires focus and dedication. I don’t like to use the term work, then it take on a laborious context. It’s an exercise of patience, empathy, compromise, just plain old wholesome love. Any dissenting behavior in this exercise leads to failure.

“Thank you for making me the woman I am…” croons Estelle

Think about that sentence. Look at yourself, then your friends. What are their views on relationships? Now let’s change one word…

Thank you for making me the “man” I am…

Yes, men are victims too…

In many cases that ‘thank you’ is pretty damn harsh. Thank you for making me miserable, a bitch, selfish, disillusioned, untrusting, non-committal… What do you say, ‘you’re welcome, anytime, it was a pleasure to hurt you…’

How many people do you know who refuse to be in a monogamous relationships, just can’t be bothered with the opposite sex, nasty, gold digging, switched to their own team, etc, etc. Do you truly believe the behavior or view of relationships evolved without provocation?

It’s hard for me to believe they were born that way, well maybe some, but come on the majority, really? Our views on relationships are defined by our parents, our childhood, our environment and mostly our experiences.

When we repeatedly have bad relationships we use them as a foundation for the next (this applies to both platonic and intimate relationships).  It’s like transitioning from an open road innocent and free; to adding cat eyes, just to help you see in the dark; adding guard rails, don’t want to go off sides; adding yield signs, think I need to pull back a little; adding stop signs, pump my brakes; adding stop lights, alright now something is not right; then when all the safety gear fails the full wall is resurrected, eventually shutting down the road altogether.

It’s important to look in before looking out. Consider what you have done to enable the negativity in the relationships. Review your choices carefully. Maybe the compromises you made to have someone in your life were not good for you. Desperate times do not always call for desperate measures.

Now..

Let’s reverse everything, make the Thank you positive

Thank you for making recognize what I should not compromise on
Thank you for making me stronger
Thank you for helping me recognize my own faults
Thank you for making me a better woman or man for the next one
Thank you for making me see I need to love me

Our first instinct is always negative and that’s okay, yet it’s important to pull out lessons learned about ‘you’. While you will always have a slightly bitter taste in your mouth for those failed relationships remember not to forget what they taught you… remembering makes that failure a success for you!

© Soulmuze 2012

How long will you be content with partial “love” or “usage”?

by Soulful Storytellers, LLC, posted in Eclectic thoughts

Not every relationship starts with the intention of being a lifelong romance. Sometimes it’s just two people who connect and seamlessly glide into a sexual satisfying movement. Enjoying each other’s company with one believing it’s an automatic exclusivity clause.  How ideal, or is it really? Falling into a false sense of being in a committed relationship. Let’s be real, do actions, in this case truly speak louder than words? Just because you think you’re the only doesn’t mean you are or better yet always will be.

Have you talked to one another to gain an understanding of your respective desires? If you did, and are satisfied with the flow that’s fine. But remember to check-in, make sure the temperature hasn’t changed.
If you haven’t, why not? Are you happy with just partial love or usage? Don’t fool yourself into thinking it’s a whole package. Don’t fool yourself into believing you can change his/her mind. Exclusivity can’t be forced ripe like fruit! Even forced ripened fruit doesn’t taste as sweet.

Relationship selfishness is rampant and wrong. Yeah I hear that life is unfair, let’s think is it really and why? Life wasn’t designed to be unfair. Everything from creation was done with purpose and balance: Male and female; day and night; heaven and earth; land and sea; wet and dry…With that there is transition to certainty. You know day will become night. So should we accept emotionally unbalanced relationships? Why do we allow ourselves to run parallel then intersect on occasion? Do you truly believe there will not be a point when one of you will want to meet in the middle creating a unified single point?

When you’re young it’s acceptable as you are trying to figure out what completes you. As you get older this doesn’t work the same. It becomes more of an act of selfishness and disregard of values. You want what you want right now forgetting that someone else’s feelings are at stake also. Friends with benefits, yeah right. Where’s the benefit when one is giving 100% and the other only giving 50% because they are keeping options open.

Don’t give me that business about more women than men so we have to share, straight bullshit! Why? Because in the majority of cases the men want the woman to be exclusive to them while they roam. Why can’t we all roam? Oh my bad, that would make me a slut, whore but you are the motherfucking man…raw and uncut.

Jill Scott spelled it out in Exclusively, “She sniffed and sniffed and sniffed and sniffed again then replied Raheem, right? Right…” I hope you never have felt this and if you did, trust I know your pain. What a double slap in the face, left and right cheek, those handprints never seems to fade away.

If your cool with 50%, hats off to you, everything ain’t for everybody. For those who aren’t:
Let them keep their half, because someone out there wants to give you their whole!

© Soulmuze 2012