Tag: life

Branches on your tree of life

by Soulful Storytellers, LLC, posted in Eclectic thoughts

I have heard many times that our lives are mapped at conception much like the growth of a tree. As our roots begin to grow, our life branches are created. We choose a branch in the hopes of a sturdy path but if its weak we double back to the trunk of the tree to find a new branch, a new path. The branches may have some similarities so you may find yourself doing the same thing but those similarities doesn’t always yield the same results.

If the branch is weak and cannot hold the weight of your desires it breaks and you have to start from the base and make your way up.

If the branch is strong you get all of your desires but it doesn’t guarantee that you are content. Why? Because the branch is just hanging out there with no true connection… Like a dangling participle. Many people like that as it allows them full control and an apparent drama free existence.

Yet we were not designed just to dangle, just let someone swing on a vine until it breaks. From the beginning of time whether you believe in evolution or God everything was created to have a connection, a purpose, a link to extending existence. That existence, that indelible mark that continues to keep you connected as you transition from a physical existence to a spiritual one.

It’s not just about having children to tag them with your family name which they can change. It’s about creating a connection through pairing, allowing a bird to build a nest, a squirrel to hide their food, or even a cat to escape danger in your tree.

Take a look at your life… Are you creating connections? Sincere ones. Do you have the one who will hold you when you are having nightmares? One who will listen to you rant and rave? Share your darkest secrets or intimate desires without judgement but will consider sharing the execution? The one who will clean the gook from you eyes, the crud from your nose?

Hope your tree of life has honest supporting connections.

(C) Soulmuze 2013

Take a look at yourself…Priceless

by Soulful Storytellers, LLC, posted in Eclectic thoughts

I was thinking about the things my mother said you know the stuff that sticks when you’re trying not to listen.  I thought about the choices I made, the people I surround myself with then suddenly my thoughts went deeper. You know into the part of your subconscious where you throw all the things you can’t or don’t want to accept. At first I thought I’m clearly having a melt-down, but then I said I need to take a look at ME. Why? Because there are aspects of me, my life and my values that don’t seem to fit the “norm,” (whatever that is). Is it me? Am I missing something? Am I so abnormal? I mean I’m an immigrant to the United States, they called us “Resident Aliens” until we became “Naturalized Citizens”, but am I still an Alien? (These name tags add to our f’up society, why can’t we just be human beings?)…

My subconscious, who I named ColorfulSpirt, said to me:

What is it that drives your likes, your taste in men, choice in friends, the colors you choose? What do you think will complete you? What do you need to close that gap that has you wearing that perfected smile which is often far from genuine to heal the wound that no amount of ointment or band aids can cover…”I’m ok” is not a cure all, it’s a postpone all as you deny all…

My reply:

ColorfulSpirit, I just don’t know anymore. I have reinvented myself, taken failures to make them successes, tried to listen more, be loyal, giving, reasonable, honest, stronger… Yet it seems the reinvention quickly becomes obsolete; my strength is failing; my loyalty, giving and honesty is often abused; the weight on my shoulders make my knees buckle and my heart ache.

ColorfulSpirit:

Well you gave yourself the name Soulmuze and that was not a random decision. You searched within yourself for a name that would define your essence.

  •  “Soul” because of your sense of identity, spiritual and emotional nature in which you will leave an immortal mark on anyone or anything you touch.
  •  “Muze” because of your nature of self-reflection, a guiding spirit, a source of inspiration.
  • The ‘Z’ replaces the ‘S’ in Muze to represent the fact that there is no one exactly like you.

 As a child you were always viewed as different, you accepted that difference, you worked thru it, and used it to become the woman you are today. Your destiny is to be the woman you are and no matter how long the path or the branch on the tree of life you will get what is yours and yours alone. Differences built both positive and negative in this world, so don’t allow any to tear down the woman you worked so hard to be!

 Well, ColorfulSpirit was and is always enlightening. We often ignore and de-value our subconscious, but when we step back and take a look at ourselves we find the lost treasures of who we are, what makes us unique and valuable. Even if no one else acknowledges your worth you should never let go of it… priceless.

© Soulmuze 2013

 

Why do you look down when you walk?

by Soulful Storytellers, LLC, posted in Poetry

Why do you look down when you walk?

Are you marking your steps?

Watching the cracks in the sidewalk?

Why do you look down when you walk?

Trying to dodge that pile of shit or avoiding where you saw that man spit?

Why do you look down when you walk?

Do you really think you can see your way

With your head held down day after day

Take a chance, a peep, a glance

I take my right index figure and lift your chin

Now you will see life begin

Do not cast your eyes down low

Look upwards to see the blue sky glow

Do not hold your head down when you walk

For you have no reason to feel shame

Exude the confidence within

Replace that solemn mouth with a slight grin

What was called yesterday has gone

Today will soon end

Tomorrow is your pathway to win!!

Look down no more for the world is not as flat or dirty as the floor

 

© Soulmuze

 

How do you fill the Grand Canyon?

by Soulful Storytellers, LLC, posted in Eclectic thoughts

I have been battling with this topic for a few days. Not really sure if I worded my emotions right or truly captured the essence of what I’m trying to work through. Maybe if I sat down and spoke out loud with someone it may have been easier. But sometimes you can’t talk to anyone but yourself. So I sit in front of my reflection having a dialogue with myself…

Have you given much thought to who you are, where you are and what you want? Well I do every day and every day that view changes. One day I’m closer to closing the gaps in my life but either the same day or the next I feel stuck in a rut. The gaps don’t seem to decrease… what once was a fracture, transformed to a crack,  a pothole, then here comes the Grand Canyon.  How do you fill the Grand Canyon?!

We have so many needs and as each one is satisfied there is another created leaving you in a state of constant  unfullfillment.  *extended sighs* … Yet there are some needs so great that they become an obsession. If that obsessive need or needs are filled you can manage without the others; creating a state of contentment. One of the most unfulfilled and obsessive need revolves around the heart.  How do you explain the hole you have in your heart?

Many people like to say just be grateful for what you have, be patient and wait for the rest. I’m guilty of saying it as well. It’s like a safety statement when you’re at a loss for words yet must say something. What we often fail to recognize is it’s not ungratefulness by any means. It’s a desire to feel some sort of completion.

The gaps in your core come from dreams and expectations you built up from childhood. Once you recognize the gaps you commit yourself to break the cycle. Being passionate about change keeps you on your grind to become and implement that change.  

You believe if you had the power to change the gaps in your childhood it would have made you an even better person as an adult. You never know for sure but if it’s your belief then it can become your obsession.

My gaps could be a result of being raised by a single parent, lack of open communication, lack of trust, lack of true and honest love, not fitting in, not having a solid relationship with my parent,  questioning my identity… doesn’t mean that I need a baggage handler, or you should run in the other direction, despite the gaps I’m keeping in together…trust!

If you can find a source to close the gap you gain more confidence and slowly you begin to fill the Grand Canyon of emptiness. Now there is always a spiritual component yet no matter how much you believe, it may not be enough.

People who are content with their lives easily spew “let go, let God.” but they are never around when I have emotionally let go and tears of despair are drowning me in the Grand Canyon. They don’t understand or maybe just don’t care because it’s really not their problem. Or maybe they deal with their gaps by pretending they don’t exist, rotting inside until one day it becomes too much to bare then boom! Or they abuse others since misery often loves company.

It’s truly hard to explain for some things have to be experienced. Even then they may not get it for no two experiences are ever exactly the same. Seeking to close the gaps often results in making decisions that make it even worse. Taking short cuts, accepting of things we know are wrong… We see this every day, no examples necessary, think about it… bad flashbacks but lets press forward shall we,

So how do I fill the Grand Canyon? Writing often helps me find answers or ways to cope with a situation. Sad to say I’m stumped on this one. I question if my dreams will ever truly be fulfilled, if not why won’t God just tell me so I can stop waiting. Or is He telling me and I’m not listening because I don’t want to believe I’m not worthy of the simple promises of love and life. This all may sound like mindless babble but it’s not. Anyone who thinks it is really can’t help me, help myself. The are probably looking at life through those infamous rose colored glasses, can’t see the forest through the trees or whatever that damn cliché is.

So what’s next? I can fill the Grand Canyon by packing up those gaps with cement and just go through life like a mechanical maniac. Hardened, insensitive and cold … sounds like a plan… but that’s not me by any means. Seems the more you search within yourself the greater the hole gets.

That’s where you are sadly mistaken. The more you search inside the greater your capacity to find your truths, healing yourself and most importantly you stop the expansion of the canyon. Every little pebble, or grain of sand you add is one step closer to fulfillment. We like to rush change but we must remember the gap started as a fracture. So the time it took to create the gap will be double the time to resolve.

We should not be disillusioned or discouraged when answers don’t come into full view immediately. Be enlightened by the time required for you will learn so much more than the time you have lost. When your Grand Canyon is filled it’s a permanent closure as opposed to a mere Band-Aid.

…The reflection still doesn’t fully satisfy my question yet gives me other avenues to focus on, mainly patience, learning and don’t let go… hmmm letting go seems so much easier, but not an option… When all is said and done maybe I can’t help myself but I can be a catalyst for change and resolution to someone else.

© Soulmuze 2012

Live your dash

by Soulful Storytellers, LLC, posted in Eclectic thoughts

Today marks the assassination of Christopher Wallace aka Biggie Smalls. I can remember the phone call that rattled my slumber. As fresh as the gun powder, as hot as the bullet, news travelled Biggie was shot. Part of his crew lived on Washington Avenue (Clinton Hill side) in my girlfriends’ building so before the news wire was out we knew what went down.  

Biggie left marks like you could never imagined. Every man, woman, child of all ages knew and still know Big Poppa!  Gone at 24 Biggie left a mark most can’t accomplish by 50. He created classics, left a legacy, his family well taken care of and despite the drama his name is intact. Biggie lived his dash.

I always heard it’s not the day you’re born, it’s not the day you died, it’s what you do between those dates that matter… the dash. Our paths cross people of all walks of life whether it’s a mere glance or social intercourse we do leave an impression.

As I think about my life to date I ask myself, how have I lived my dash this far:

Have I hurt more than I’ve healed?

 Have I taken more than I’ve given?

Have I talked more than I’ve listened?

Have I hated more than I’ve loved?

If I was called at this very moment I would be comfortable with my dash:

 I learned and continue to learn from my mistakes

I apologize to those I have hurt

I love  those who love me and sometimes even those who don’t

I often give without expectation

I appreciate what is given

I try to be honest;

I try to help those that have less than I

I give my family a legacy of strength and determination

… Yes I am comfortable with my dash and this is just the short list.

 This by no means says I’m ready to go for there are still things I want to see and do. I will continue to feed my dash with positive thoughts and deeds.

As long as I am gifted with time I will live in the light that I was blessed with at birth.

You.. live your dash, remember how your loved ones who are not longer here lived theirs, they set the foundations for which you stand. Live your dash…soulfully yours

© Soulmuze 2012

Dark Socks

by Soulful Storytellers, LLC, posted in Eclectic thoughts

Ever walk around with a pair of dark socks and see how much dust it attracts? Pretty annoying isn’t it?

Here you thought your house was as clean as it could be. Your socks are picking up these tiny particles. The more it collects the more visible they become. Those dark socks that were clean are now dusty.

Those dark socks have just delivered a message to you. Yup things are not as clean as they appear. No matter how small and unnoticeable something is over time it collects and grows. You can’t spend your life just coasting, taking advantage of others and think you will always be in the clear.

Do you remember when our parents told us to put ourselves in the other person’s shoes? Step outside of yourself by replacing your name with theirs? If you say you’re ok with being in that position odds are, you’re in denial because you want what you want regardless. No one with any sense of morals or positive values will be okay being used, played, a place holder until better comes along, a part-time lover/friend/jump-off, whatever, indefinitely. At some point it will not be enough, it’s our nature to want more.

As we get older our needs and wants change, the roulette game of life becomes less appealing. When the things we can’t control become over bearing we need to know that we have people in our corner to lean on. Those damn dark socks with those pesky dust particles! Let’s think about Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, it’s a pyramid. The base defines our physiological needs: breathing, food, water, sex, sleep,  we elevate from one layer to the next safety, love/belonging, esteem and at the top self-actualization. When you reach the top of the pyramid, the peak, you recognize your power – potential; you have (to some degree) mastered the previous layers. You are no longer satisfied with being a particle of dust amongst many. Your individuality must be recognized, appreciated, harnessed, what can you bring to the table that can add to another, you are ready to give your whole self and want whole in return. It doesn’t mean you won’t have questions or doubts in some areas, but you can’t settle for just being a member in everyone’s string band.

Men and women are emotionally driven. Some more than others and emotions evolve and devolve at varying rates. Technology has simplified our lives, but has also taken away an important need, our need to confront one another face-to-face. We need to look at each other, talk to one another, read one another’s body language, and wipe one another’s tears. Our only touch shouldn’t not be sexual in nature! How can we reduce and eliminate those little particles that are hindering our growth without physical interaction.  It’s important to engage in social intercourse so that you know where another stand on anything. Stop making assumptions that everything is gravy while your socks are collecting dust.

© Soulmuze 2012