Malik from son to sun

Malik, I remember sitting on your grandmother’s steps on a warm night in June with your mother. She was 8 months pregnant and in full bloom. There was no doubt you would be a big boy, based on the size of her belly. We talked about different things but two things I always remembered from that night was her saying, ‘this baby always make me feel like I have to go to the bathroom,’ at that I couldn’t stop laughing. Guess it didn’t help that she looked like a cute Buddha sitting on the steps. The other, was when I asked, ‘so what brand of diapers are going to use?’ We both said at the same time, “Huggies!” Funny, how the weirdest things stay in your memory, for me those are usually the most valuable. As we grew older we followed the steps as they were ordered for us. I watched you grow and valued the random conversations we had whenever we saw one another. Unlike so many, you owned your mistakes and was always working on a resolution. Sometimes you would get angry when we spoke because success wasn’t coming fast enough. You just wanted the perfect place for everyone. Yes, you were an impatient youth but who wasn’t, at least you were not selfish. I can’t leave out how respectful you were, always said hello to my mother and asked her if she needed help with anything as you passed by. Never forgetting the lessons you were taught at home, priceless.

               Well, for some reason you made the decision that your work here was done. Being a true lion, once you make a decision everyone has to go along until further notice. It required great strength to make such a choice, maybe you thought it would create the perfect place for everyone. The results may not have worked exactly as planned, it created more pain from the emptiness you left behind. I think what you missed along the way was, the perfect place is not a place but a foundation that’s built in one thing “love.” You had that all along, but the negative obstacles kept obscuring your view, every time you started removing that obstacle it found a way to reposition itself. We can’t turn back time and if we could, the question then becomes, should we? All is never truly lost, for I am sure that not only a lesson will be revealed but a stronger foundation of love will evolve as a result; someone will not just hear but will listen and you will be acknowledged as a man of strength for that is all that matters.                      

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Blessings, love and light… Soulfully speaking

 Family…

Though his sun has set

Yours must still shine

You all will be together again in time

You will never understand why he chose to leave that way

But know he loved you more each and every day

Wife…

You were his best to his friend

You were his Mrs to his Mr

You were his light to his dark

He will always hold a special place in your heart

His Legacy…

Tell his children do not fear

Celebrate the love you all shared

Your protector…

The ending of his life forces a new normal to begin

He is your watcher and will make sure your lights will never dim

© Soulmuze 2017

Thank you…

As I listen to Estelle’s “Thank You” I’m thinking wow in 4 minutes and 47 seconds she has captured my feelings on past relationships.

More often than not, the ones that mean something to you end as a result of one of you not being enough for other. Can’t really say who’s to blame but instead of gracefully writing off the chapter some find  it easier to cheat. When relationships end on a cheating note each person questions what they brought or didn’t bring to the table. Too much of one thing, not enough of another so a third party is pulled in to fill the gaps. Ultimately the gaps that we’re attempting to fill actually widen and become more complex.

Relationships can’t be handled like juggling balls in a circus act. It requires focus and dedication. I don’t like to use the term work, then it take on a laborious context. It’s an exercise of patience, empathy, compromise, just plain old wholesome love. Any dissenting behavior in this exercise leads to failure.

“Thank you for making me the woman I am…” croons Estelle

Think about that sentence. Look at yourself, then your friends. What are their views on relationships? Now let’s change one word…

Thank you for making me the “man” I am…

Yes, men are victims too…

In many cases that ‘thank you’ is pretty damn harsh. Thank you for making me miserable, a bitch, selfish, disillusioned, untrusting, non-committal… What do you say, ‘you’re welcome, anytime, it was a pleasure to hurt you…’

How many people do you know who refuse to be in a monogamous relationships, just can’t be bothered with the opposite sex, nasty, gold digging, switched to their own team, etc, etc. Do you truly believe the behavior or view of relationships evolved without provocation?

It’s hard for me to believe they were born that way, well maybe some, but come on the majority, really? Our views on relationships are defined by our parents, our childhood, our environment and mostly our experiences.

When we repeatedly have bad relationships we use them as a foundation for the next (this applies to both platonic and intimate relationships).  It’s like transitioning from an open road innocent and free; to adding cat eyes, just to help you see in the dark; adding guard rails, don’t want to go off sides; adding yield signs, think I need to pull back a little; adding stop signs, pump my brakes; adding stop lights, alright now something is not right; then when all the safety gear fails the full wall is resurrected, eventually shutting down the road altogether.

It’s important to look in before looking out. Consider what you have done to enable the negativity in the relationships. Review your choices carefully. Maybe the compromises you made to have someone in your life were not good for you. Desperate times do not always call for desperate measures.

Now..

Let’s reverse everything, make the Thank you positive

Thank you for making recognize what I should not compromise on
Thank you for making me stronger
Thank you for helping me recognize my own faults
Thank you for making me a better woman or man for the next one
Thank you for making me see I need to love me

Our first instinct is always negative and that’s okay, yet it’s important to pull out lessons learned about ‘you’. While you will always have a slightly bitter taste in your mouth for those failed relationships remember not to forget what they taught you… remembering makes that failure a success for you!

© Soulmuze 2012