Tag: karma

What did I do?… Time to burn to resurrect

by Soulful Storytellers, LLC, posted in Eclectic thoughts

#Soulmuze #Rebirth #RisingfromAsh #Phoenix

“Life for me ain’t been no crystal stair.” Mother to Son by Langston Hughes

My stairs have all broken into fractured pieces and various sized shards have been painfully imbedded into my heart and soul.

Never have I experienced so much pain and heartache at one time back to back to back, day after day after day. I look inwards, outwards, upside down, sideways, forwards, reversing, searching for answers. What did I sow to warrant such return?

I cried out to the universe seeking answers, a sign, a totem, something!! I waited, I waited and still I wait, in return things continue to spiral downhill.

I can retain the mask of a smile but it is damaged, requiring repair as my eyes are marked with dark circles and puffiness that can only be covered by large tinted glasses. I can’t stop the rain so I must succumb to the flood until I have repaid whatever debt that is owed.

I no longer believe in “do unto others” for those I have given my love and support without question or pause have left me to be washed away and practically drown in the rising flood waters.

“You’re strong.” “You got this.” “You’re smart.” “Look how much you have accomplished.” Blah, blah, blah bullshit in my ears.

What? Are you ASSuming I never need??! The strong can never be weak? Can never say I can’t do this? Can never cry, scream or beg for help? Do you not understand why I support the semicolon movement? I considered it because the rainbow wasn’t always enough…

Doing what you have to do has nothing to do with strength, it’s called handling responsibilities. If shards of glass are impaled in my body causing me harm, tearing me to shreds are you going to just watch me die a slow painful death based on an assumption of eternal strength?

I do not assume anyone is eternally strong or an octopus or could be everywhere at once which is why I extend my help when asked or offer help to those I sincerely care about. I will cry with you and for you. I will wipe the snot from your nose. I am not a fair weather friend or lover.

The mind of humans never cease to amaze. If I attempt to step into your shoes, see with your eyes, feel with your heart, listen with your ears why can’t you do the same for me? Walk with those findings and just hold it.

When you have been grounded down to practically nothing the only thing left is to reinvent yourself. I must find a different branch on my tree of life for the fruits of my spirits have been depleted as it has nourished everyone else, now their needs are satiated, I am left dry, withered, wrinkled and empty.

As I select my new branch I will keep all of my spiritual fruits. No more shall I gracefully serve bottomless plates, give pack your to-go box and deliver on a dime. No more will I light your entire path. You will be served only what you serve me. If you serve me nothing I will not starve as have stored my fruits. No more off balanced scales.

Cry I will. Die a thousand deaths I will until I get past this negative magnetic cycle. When the darkness clears I will stand under the burning sun, dance to the music until I go up in flames then resurrect.

9 fruits of the Spirit:

1. Love

2. Joy

3. Peace

4. Patience

5. Kindness

6. Goodness

7. Faithfulness

8. Gentleness

9. Self-Control

“As Beethoven was writing his 9 symphonies the fruits of my spirit danced under the fiery sun until I became nothing but ash and at that moment I was reborn.” Soulmuze

©️Soulmuze 2018

Ultimate Thresholds, do they truly exist?

by Soulful Storytellers, LLC, posted in Eclectic thoughts

Have you considered your dead end threshold, the ultimate violation (in your eyes) which once that line is crossed there is no turning back.

I, like the rest of the world, had/has/will continue to have my fair of shit thrown at me.  When I think about the wrong done to me which triggered my retaliation I start thinking, is this the justification for evolution… Don’t monkeys throw shit at each other ?… Hmmmm

Don’t get mad, get even… But what happened to do unto others as you would have them to do unto you? … Unless you get off on negative behaviors you may not want to live your life in a spiral of warring with mankind.

The handbook for life is the most unique book ever created and only one is written per person. We each author our own book, creating our own  rules and exceptions on a case by case basis. We determine that final ultimate violation rule that no matter who you are once crossed it’s a done deal. You may as well sell your soul to the devil because that relationship is over…

 Or is it? I think we all have some type of morals, at minimum an ounce, so why do we often ignore that final line? Is it the forgive -forget factor or nobody’s perfect; it will get better if I just do this one thing; acknowledgement of karma; lack of confidence that a better relationship awaits us; are we so caught up in what other people think our actions become determined by society’s view; or do we simply enjoy the pain and humiliation?

Let me clarify, when I say relationship I’m speaking of any type of relationship, this isn’t solely about the intimacy spectrum, it’s every and any relationship. 

Every moment we face this dilemma of managing thresholds and sticking to our personalized life handbook.  No matter how hard we try avoid it, we keep rewriting our thresholds and expanding the exception list. To get what we want we add work-arounds to our personalized handbook,  aligning with someone else’s, over time slowly corrupting the lines. darkening or lightening those areas that once defined your uniqueness and tolerance levels.

We all know that one person who will say “I will never!”, better yet you are that one person who said and will continue to say “Hell no! If that was me… I would never..” (Think about what I just said)…

Replay parts of your life how many times have you or that one friend eaten those words? Not only do we throw the shit we eat it too! Does it make us bad, stupid, immoral, desperate…? No that’s what makes us human. We will judge others for their decisions and justify those same decisions when applied to self.

So do we really have that drop dead ultimate threshold line? One of the most popular tattoos to date is “only God can judge me” oh really now… So why do we ALL have something to say about someone? Our whole entertainment system is designed to fuel opinions, our court system has a judge and jury, the media has their opinion, our parents are our judge until we can stand independently, etc. So do you truly believe only God can judge you?… God gave man the will to make our own decisions which lead to judgment of man by man.

Until the end-of-days arrive we will judge each other be it right or wrong.

We will adjust that threshold even though we know better because we need to either satisfy ourselves or please the masses.

Ultimate thresholds, do they truly exist?

© Soulmuze 2013

WOW…

by Soulful Storytellers, LLC, posted in Eclectic thoughts

No matter how prepared you think you are, you always seem to get caught out there.  Every time it happens you think ‘WOW! I should have known better’ or  ‘WOW! What the hell was I thinking?!’

When caught in the “WOW” we  tend to be emotionally confused, should we cry, laugh, bang our head against the wall or just beat someone’s ass! All of your emotions come into play at one time and you feel like a deer in headlights…! You know the saying “the more things change the more they stay the same,” I would like to think it’s not true but so said so done.

Then they say “change the players, change the game.” WOW, now that sounds like a plan, the players change, new strategy and guess what the same outcome. “WOW” Guess we missed the loophole in the clause… the mentality of the players! It’s like the old commercial “oops I should’ve had a V-8” as you pop yourself in the head (dated myself with that one).

It seems that no matter our experiences some feel that it is fitting to continue with the same behaviors. With each experience there should be some positive growth but instead many find a way to justify their behavior, making the wrong seem right, holding on to the same mentality. Now, how much hurt or disappointment do you have to distribute or receive before you realize that you should reconsider your behavior… thought process? Everyone else’s experience is not yours and do you believe you will have a lifetime of ‘free passes’? Karma is real. Being an avid attendee at church doesn’t eradicate your sins. It’s your actions that dictate your standing, please believe it!

These WOW moments are coming fast and furious yet people don’t want to change their thought process. Look at the news: racial justification for murder; women being beaten and abused; sex trafficking of children; our judicial system with laws that are modified by the color of your skin; our children can tell you every sexual position and are having babies like rabbits, they don’t have examples of solid relationship, the value of marriage, family or appreciate the value of their community; and so on and so on…

Getting caught in the WOW is really disturbing and really making me become more disillusioned with mankind overall. We are far from perfect and are born with the gift of choice. Why do we continue with the same thinking that lends itself to the same negative behavior?  WOW, are we all just insane? (lol).  I clearly understand “when people say if I knew then what I know now.” So if you know it now, than act on it now, is the past behavior that sweet that you must continue to fuel it? Changing your mentality may lead you to creating sweeter moments beyond your imagination, making a small positive change that may be big to another person or the next generation.

Why do we belittle other people’s feelings? I’m so confuzzled by that too! You may not agree or understand how they feel, but damn don’t always chalk it up to being dramatic or stupid. Someone told me I was a fool to ever think that things will ever be better or I would ever get better… WOW, well a fool I will be, since it’s better than being an all out selfish asshole. Not everyone in the world let’s things roll like water off a duck’s back. I’m still hoping that one day I will have better faith in mankind, but based on what I read, hear and feel, it won’t be today…

© Soulmuze 2012