Tag: journey

Ultimate Thresholds, do they truly exist?

by Soulful Storytellers, LLC, posted in Eclectic thoughts

Have you considered your dead end threshold, the ultimate violation (in your eyes) which once that line is crossed there is no turning back.

I, like the rest of the world, had/has/will continue to have my fair of shit thrown at me.  When I think about the wrong done to me which triggered my retaliation I start thinking, is this the justification for evolution… Don’t monkeys throw shit at each other ?… Hmmmm

Don’t get mad, get even… But what happened to do unto others as you would have them to do unto you? … Unless you get off on negative behaviors you may not want to live your life in a spiral of warring with mankind.

The handbook for life is the most unique book ever created and only one is written per person. We each author our own book, creating our own  rules and exceptions on a case by case basis. We determine that final ultimate violation rule that no matter who you are once crossed it’s a done deal. You may as well sell your soul to the devil because that relationship is over…

 Or is it? I think we all have some type of morals, at minimum an ounce, so why do we often ignore that final line? Is it the forgive -forget factor or nobody’s perfect; it will get better if I just do this one thing; acknowledgement of karma; lack of confidence that a better relationship awaits us; are we so caught up in what other people think our actions become determined by society’s view; or do we simply enjoy the pain and humiliation?

Let me clarify, when I say relationship I’m speaking of any type of relationship, this isn’t solely about the intimacy spectrum, it’s every and any relationship. 

Every moment we face this dilemma of managing thresholds and sticking to our personalized life handbook.  No matter how hard we try avoid it, we keep rewriting our thresholds and expanding the exception list. To get what we want we add work-arounds to our personalized handbook,  aligning with someone else’s, over time slowly corrupting the lines. darkening or lightening those areas that once defined your uniqueness and tolerance levels.

We all know that one person who will say “I will never!”, better yet you are that one person who said and will continue to say “Hell no! If that was me… I would never..” (Think about what I just said)…

Replay parts of your life how many times have you or that one friend eaten those words? Not only do we throw the shit we eat it too! Does it make us bad, stupid, immoral, desperate…? No that’s what makes us human. We will judge others for their decisions and justify those same decisions when applied to self.

So do we really have that drop dead ultimate threshold line? One of the most popular tattoos to date is “only God can judge me” oh really now… So why do we ALL have something to say about someone? Our whole entertainment system is designed to fuel opinions, our court system has a judge and jury, the media has their opinion, our parents are our judge until we can stand independently, etc. So do you truly believe only God can judge you?… God gave man the will to make our own decisions which lead to judgment of man by man.

Until the end-of-days arrive we will judge each other be it right or wrong.

We will adjust that threshold even though we know better because we need to either satisfy ourselves or please the masses.

Ultimate thresholds, do they truly exist?

© Soulmuze 2013

My Brother…Sey

by Soulful Storytellers, LLC, posted in Eclectic thoughts

Words cannot adequately describe how priceless my brother has become to me.  Sounds strange? Well it was to me when I first discovered I had not one but two! I lived 35 years of my life believing I was an only child. Never truly feeling like I belonged with the family in which I was placed, yet grateful for the care I received.

I think back at the gaps, emptiness and differences I experienced no longer with resentment but with better understanding and seeking to gain more closure within myself. The brave woman who gave me life made sure never to forget me when she had to let me go. She physically released me yet kept me close to her heart. As she gave life to my siblings she made sure to place me in their hearts as well.

My mum had to let me go to ensure that I received the best that life had to offer without malice, or abandonment from my biological father (who embraced my brothers without a second thought).

My eldest brother harvested all that my mum embedded in him of me. As soon as he was able he set on a journey to find me and did just that. Traveling from the United Kingdom to the United States to unite with me…a sister he only knew from the images mum could describe since she only had me in her care from birth to age 3 with little to no photographs. His quest to find his older sister was greeted with tears, fears, hesitation then was wrapped in undeniable love.

Thirteen years after our initial encounter, only seeing each other four times within those years I cannot describe how much love I have for him. To see us together you would never know how distant our lives were.  He’s everything I dreamed a brother would be and more. A phenomenal family man and I am forever grateful to him for giving me a piece of his heart and mending a piece in mine.

Written with unconditional love to you my brother, Sey, you connected the branch on my tree of life…

© Soulmuze 2013

Take a look at yourself…Priceless

by Soulful Storytellers, LLC, posted in Eclectic thoughts

I was thinking about the things my mother said you know the stuff that sticks when you’re trying not to listen.  I thought about the choices I made, the people I surround myself with then suddenly my thoughts went deeper. You know into the part of your subconscious where you throw all the things you can’t or don’t want to accept. At first I thought I’m clearly having a melt-down, but then I said I need to take a look at ME. Why? Because there are aspects of me, my life and my values that don’t seem to fit the “norm,” (whatever that is). Is it me? Am I missing something? Am I so abnormal? I mean I’m an immigrant to the United States, they called us “Resident Aliens” until we became “Naturalized Citizens”, but am I still an Alien? (These name tags add to our f’up society, why can’t we just be human beings?)…

My subconscious, who I named ColorfulSpirt, said to me:

What is it that drives your likes, your taste in men, choice in friends, the colors you choose? What do you think will complete you? What do you need to close that gap that has you wearing that perfected smile which is often far from genuine to heal the wound that no amount of ointment or band aids can cover…”I’m ok” is not a cure all, it’s a postpone all as you deny all…

My reply:

ColorfulSpirit, I just don’t know anymore. I have reinvented myself, taken failures to make them successes, tried to listen more, be loyal, giving, reasonable, honest, stronger… Yet it seems the reinvention quickly becomes obsolete; my strength is failing; my loyalty, giving and honesty is often abused; the weight on my shoulders make my knees buckle and my heart ache.

ColorfulSpirit:

Well you gave yourself the name Soulmuze and that was not a random decision. You searched within yourself for a name that would define your essence.

  •  “Soul” because of your sense of identity, spiritual and emotional nature in which you will leave an immortal mark on anyone or anything you touch.
  •  “Muze” because of your nature of self-reflection, a guiding spirit, a source of inspiration.
  • The ‘Z’ replaces the ‘S’ in Muze to represent the fact that there is no one exactly like you.

 As a child you were always viewed as different, you accepted that difference, you worked thru it, and used it to become the woman you are today. Your destiny is to be the woman you are and no matter how long the path or the branch on the tree of life you will get what is yours and yours alone. Differences built both positive and negative in this world, so don’t allow any to tear down the woman you worked so hard to be!

 Well, ColorfulSpirit was and is always enlightening. We often ignore and de-value our subconscious, but when we step back and take a look at ourselves we find the lost treasures of who we are, what makes us unique and valuable. Even if no one else acknowledges your worth you should never let go of it… priceless.

© Soulmuze 2013

 

Why do you look down when you walk?

by Soulful Storytellers, LLC, posted in Poetry

Why do you look down when you walk?

Are you marking your steps?

Watching the cracks in the sidewalk?

Why do you look down when you walk?

Trying to dodge that pile of shit or avoiding where you saw that man spit?

Why do you look down when you walk?

Do you really think you can see your way

With your head held down day after day

Take a chance, a peep, a glance

I take my right index figure and lift your chin

Now you will see life begin

Do not cast your eyes down low

Look upwards to see the blue sky glow

Do not hold your head down when you walk

For you have no reason to feel shame

Exude the confidence within

Replace that solemn mouth with a slight grin

What was called yesterday has gone

Today will soon end

Tomorrow is your pathway to win!!

Look down no more for the world is not as flat or dirty as the floor

 

© Soulmuze

 

Back in the driver’s seat

by Soulful Storytellers, LLC, posted in Configuration Management

Looks like some of the chill is out of the air and the warmer breeze will begin to flow. With the change of season we all wake up as if we were hibernating bears, look in the mirror, then ‘damn I need to lose weight and fast!’  Funny how we associate our presentation with the removal of winter coats, a big event or vacation.

Configuration management is a lifelong year round journey. Yet we tie it to a social factor. It’s understandable I do it too. The only thing that makes it stick is if you have a medical condition. Well being overweight creates all types of health risks so we should commit to making configuration management our yearlong, lifelong event.

Now, since starting my journey I lost 25 lbs and gained back 5, yay me! I was able to maintain and still enjoy the things I like BUT in small sporadic doses. For quite some time I have been in the passenger seat, just watching, cruising, not doing, procrastinating … As that got older and older (as I), I decided it was time to get back in the driver’s seat. This vehicle needed a proper tune-up and body work. I decided to focus on exercise so that I could develop a taste for it. Yes I said “taste”, the rewards of exercise helped me want to do it, the same way I wanted to eat a boatload of ice cream and french fries (well that only rewarded my guts, ewww). I established a simple routine of 3 times a week 45-60 min… Retained the assistance of a personal trainer and invested in a Nike fuel band for additional motivation… Gotta meet my daily fuel goal! (I have to take it back to the store because it’s not cooperating think I over worked it, yay me again!)… Anyway broken fuel band and I’m still exercising! After only 3 months I’m stronger, see my body reshaping and don’t cringe at the words plank or dead lifts.

Now, I’m heading into a nutritional cleanse program introduced by a friend of mine. I’m so excited about embarking on this new configuration program. I’m not in the habit of adverting what I’m doing. Why? Can’t take the naysayers! You know the ones that say:

You look fine, you don’t need to lose weight

Why are you wasting your money on that stuff

Just another fad… Blah, blah, blah

They act like you haven’t done your research, or they know how you feel when you look in the mirror (clothes on, clothes off two completely different views) or can’t get that outfit because “bulges” are not in style this year. Some need to understand people go into diet programs for support, accountability, competition (yes that’s a motivator have you seen “The Biggest Loser”?), convenience and simplicity. Here eat this, drink that, remove that… Following a program actually deprograms you from many negative eating behaviors. We are creatures of habit if we change our routines slightly it becomes second nature. However, you have to want that change, imitate that change and be committed to that change. Wait! Let me emphasize it’s a challenge like every other and it doesn’t guarantee you will eliminate every bad habit. But just by changing one you will achieve something positive.

 

To be a strong, happy loser you must grab that negative and make it work for you. So when someone says:

your fat or looking heavy  say “thank you for highlighting that glad you cared enough to tell me to my face” (not really but hey throw them off) then modify and rectify if you so desire

your doctor put you on medication for blood pressure or sugar  ask your doctor for recommendations to modify your diet, lifestyle changes often result in elimination or reduction of medication;  or if your adventurous like me I told my doctor give me 6 months to work on it without medication… So far a drug company has one less client. I may need it one day, just not today!

 You don’t need to lose weight say “you’re right I don’t need to but I want to” then think…  I’m must be looking good and they are trying to throw a wrench in my spokes.

No journey comes without peaks and valleys, the ones that aren’t a success are the ones you don’t try to embark upon.

Get in your driver’s seat, plug in your goal, follow your CMS (configuration management system),  go full speed ahead to a better you!!

I will keep you posted on my success!!!

 

© Soulmuze 2013

Silence…The longest journey

by Soulful Storytellers, LLC, posted in Eclectic thoughts

The power,  the need for self-expression. Everything we do is an art, an outlet of expressionism. What isn’t spoken, is painted, is danced, is put to music, is worn, is acted…

Yet we are on the longest journey of silence. Many of us fear the lack of acceptance or understanding by others so we are silent…muted.

‘We have freedom of speech,’ so they say, as long as it is confined within our respective domains.

‘We have freedom of religion,’ so they say, as long as it adheres to societal standards.

‘We have freedom of expression,’ so they say, as long as we don’t offend a particular group of people.

“We have the freedom of silence,” so I say, for that is the longest journey we endure from the cradle to the grave.

As infants we cry too much, too loud yet how will you know our needs?

As toddlers we talk too much but why do you tell us to use our words?

As adolescents we are too nosy, inquisitive, too much attitude but how do we begin to learn about life and why don’t you teach us to respond better?

As adults we think we know it all but we are always being challenged so how do we stand against those who are wrong?

As lovers we want too much closeness, intimacy, romance but isn’t that part of love?

As elderly we share our past repeatedly but how do you expect to learn and prepare for your future?

We want to silence one another because we can’t be bothered, not interested, heard it all before … If our ancestors allowed themselves to stay silent would we be here?

Should we have silenced our grass roots political activists, educators, inventors, artists, poets, etc.?

If our parents silenced their desires would you be here  today?

Our failure to express is creating our inability to express.

We are silenced so often that when we need to break it our messages risk distortion. We become destructive, attacking fueling the catalyst of negative empowerment.

When we are done we continue on the longest journey of silence.

Internalizing our feelings, scrambling our minds, altering our auras becoming cold and dark.

We smile to please but harbor so much resentment for one another.

We say that we ‘love’ but how can we love unconditionally with the baggage trapped in our hearts as a result of silence.

Silence…the longest journey, the most deafening sound and always the champion.

 At what point do we stop being afraid to share our feelings, stop being afraid of rejection.

For me, I share the journey of silence. I break it with those who care to hear which is few and far between. I welcome those who want to break their silence with me for with each break in that journey I heal, learn, grow and lend more than just an ear but an open, cleaner heart.

© Soulmuze 2012

Go back to your before

by Soulful Storytellers, LLC, posted in Poetry

Before you were left bitter by heartbreak

Before you lost faith by disappointment

Before you were told you were a failure

Before you were treated as an outcast

Before you thought you would never heal

Before you thought you were weak

Before all of the negative forces dominated your universe

You were beautiful from birth and uniquely designed

You knew your worth, your power, your presence of purpose

Go back to your before

Find the true you

You are not alone on your journey

As you go back to move forward you will discover more value in yourself

The true value of those who surround you

Go back to your before…

© Soulmuze 2012

That defining moment

by Soulful Storytellers, LLC, posted in Poetry

That defining moment when this life’s journey is coming to an end

God sends the message you must leave your family and friends

That defining moment when you realize the journey here is through

When the physical must depart and your soul will be born anew

That defining moment when you accept one must go into the light

When you let go and say they will be alright

That defining moment when you are seeing family from an aerial view

When you want to tell them not to cry over you

That defining moment when you smile and say

For those who believe we will be together again one day

There are so many defining moments in our life that seem more profound than the next

But none are as defined as the transition from life to death

Our dearly departed we cry for thee

We cry for we know your physical will no longer be

Yet once we have reconciled our loss

We will rejoice in the life you lived and celebrate that you are home with the ultimate boss

Yes, that defining moment we know must and will come

You will be taken at your purist to sit with Our Father and Son

A new chapter begins when this life ends… That defining moment… Blessings

Dedicated to a friend whose mother was called up yonder 4:17:2012

© Soulmuze 2012

Configuration management expedition

by Soulful Storytellers, LLC, posted in Configuration Management

As we share jokes, send inspiration and make brunch plans thru group texts we have learned a little more about each other. Yes, we get together and talk yet the greatest insight I have received about each person has been thru a character count limitation.

Funny? Well, while miscommunication can occur thru texts and email great learning can come from them as well. Not everyone is comfortable verbalizing their feelings especially in a social setting.  The hesitation to share during brunch or sitting at the kitchen table is often a matter of being self-conscious, not wanting to become the focal point or being/seeing/hearing judgmental comments. As individuals we each feel the same way yet as a group we feel like we are the odd one out.

Despite our uniqueness we have a common ground which surfaced during our character count limitation … I call it the need for “configuration management.” Life shows on each of us through our hair, face, skin, mentality, attitude and most of all our weight! We look at each other and think the next one looks great and as an individual we are unhappy with our physical appearance. Silently one person starts her weight loss journey then falters because of lack of support or frustration in resisting temptation.

Over time our “configuration” has changed and while we accept it one way, we are rejected in many other ways: through advertisements, store mannequins, the latest fashions, our mates, our reflections, etc. We clearly understand that we may not regain that perfect Coca-Cola shape we once had, but we can come close to it. Our journey to a better “configuration” may stem from vanity (which is considered a sin), but goes beyond that, it extends to our health both physically and mentally, self-discipline and being working examples to our families and communities that you have the power to re-configure yourself!

Each person comes as a package, many packages are incomplete, they have the presentation but not the content that will outlast the outer shell… those associations have since been discarded or kept at a manageable distance. As mature women we have made some any adjustments in our content due to our experiences and have ignored our packaging. As our packaging is off-kilter we recognize that it has affected our mental state our confidence, our drive which we once had as youths. Now with our character limitation we learned that there is more than one person on the weight loss journey, better yet “configuration management” journey. Recognizing our commonality, has evolved this individual journey (a passage or progress from one stage to another) to an expedition (a group of persons engaged in an activity).  No not earth shattering, not new, but guess what it’s new for this group!

We have removed one of our masks, to share a personal aspect of ourselves which we are no longer self-conscious about. It’s not rocket science, that’s what Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, Nutri-System and all the other weight loss groups built their foundation on. However, the difference is, we are extending ourselves beyond a food log, packaged food and sitting in a room with a group of strangers talking about why we ate that Oreo cookie or how our mate pissed us off so we ate a quart of fried rice, 4 chicken wings and  a pint of Häagan-Dazs for dessert. It’s about with each decrease in a pound; we increase our energy, increase our patience and increase our desire to go one step further. It’s about setting incremental goals and when we are happy we stop and maintain our “configuration.”  It’s about engaging the people we interact with on a daily basis, not just in weekly meetings or phone calls, to be the support we need. It’s about engaging our families in healthier lifestyles especially our children so they don’t forget the importance of “configuration management.”  It’s about watching someone take one less medication and another being able to avoid it all together.

Our “configuration management” expedition will have bumps, and we may fall into a ditch, but we will throw down that rope ladder, plant our foot firmly and take the climb slowly to the top. Please believe we will still indulge in our brunches and other treats we have come to love, but it will be done in moderation. Each person is responsible for accepting their own packaging.

 When you are happy with your packaging and internal content then others view of you really doesn’t matter…  not conceit but confidence…

© Soulmuze 2012

Emotional negotiator

by Soulful Storytellers, LLC, posted in Eclectic thoughts

Miss Optimistic, that’s me! Always seeing the bright side. The silver lining on that nasty black cloud and the half full yet dirty glass. As time moves on I look at where I am, how I got here versus where I wanted to be. In that process I realized “what a frickin’ idiot!” Why? In my effort to rationalize I lost so much of myself and maybe you are doing the same.

We are taught to have faith and never give up hope. In this we negotiate our feelings. Creating a false sense of security. When those optimistic hopes fall to the way side we are devastated. We overlook all the signs of what is and instead create fairy tales.

“The story ends, as stories do, reality steps into view. No longer living life in paradise – of fairy tales…” Anita Baker reminds us that we will have to wake up and see things for what they are…eventually.

Could we possibly deal with disappointment better if we faced and braced for impact?

Many have become emotional negotiators for which I am so guilty of. No matter how bad it looks we find ways to soften the blow but then we justify the action in the hopes it will lead to our desires. Like a battered spouse or child being abused or beaten and equating it with love for fear of being alone.

We are hurting ourselves by denying the truth. We shouldn’t be embarrassed or afraid to say, “it’s not ok! I am hurting!” Pour the water out the glass so it can be left empty and dirty.

We allow the view of others to dictate our responses. You know ‘yes everything is fine’ with a smile because you don’t want to admit your mistake or that they were right all along.

“Bag lady you gone hurt your back, dragging all them bags like that. I guess nobody ever told you all you must hold on to is you,is you…” Erykah Badu’s words are like a mantra we need to repeat as a therapeutic release. All you have ‘is you.’

Weighing yourself down with emotional baggage takes away the light from your eyes and diminishes the love of yourself. Stop denying your feelings, brace yourself for the outcome. It will hurt, you will feel like you crash landed, you will cry but it won’t be an endless ocean. When the healing is complete you will be a little wiser, a little stronger and you will recognize when

“…the fantasy is over,my life must now begin…”

And always remember to…

“…pack light, pack light …”

For the next journey.

(c) Soulmuze 2012