Tag: heart

#soulmuze #soulspiration #thanktheexes #lookingback #rearview #honestlyspeaking

As I looked in my rearview mirror, I thought to myself, I owe my past a great big THANK YOU!!

Thank you to the friends who have betrayed me, especially to the alleged lovers who abandoned, cheated and lied to me… no sarcasm whatsoever.

I thank those men especially because they taught me so many things in their wonton behaviors towards our relationship.

Was their treatment towards me warranted?

Absolutely not!

Were their actions intentional?

Yup, those mofos knew exactly what they were doing.

Did they expect me to be hurt?

No thoughts given! They cared about pleasing themselves so why would they think beyond that, seriously?

If I wanted to play games I would have gone to the arcade. I don’t play with time or emotions, both are priceless so why was it so easy for others to play with mine without proper thought? A question that will never be answered …

As I looked in my rearview mirror, the questions flowed…

Do I miss ‘yous’ or the things ‘yous’ introduced me to?

Do I miss ‘yous’ or the comfort of believing ‘yous’ was all mine?

Do I miss ‘yous’ or the image I had of ‘yous’?

When I replay my relationships from start to finish, was there anything to really miss? I was enamored by false images, overall the relationships was set on a foundation of quicksand, destined to sink because ‘yous’ had no desire to be faithful. I guess ‘yous’ wanted a ranch with a variety of horses to ride.

Sometimes we shared details of negative experiences, I thought that was a good sign. Well, my bad because clearly it was just idle chat. Each of ‘yous’ kindly repeated the same behaviors… could have missed me with that! Instead ‘yous‘ chose to commit memory murder with those actions which cancelled out all possible goodness that could have been a pleasant memory of a relationship that just didn’t work out.

“Yous” talked about doing the same shit to other women in your past, having it being done to you and you’re too old for games. Hil-fucking-larious, Mr. Smooth Criminals I fell for that line, more than I should have… obviously.

The late Ann Landers said, “The worst truth is better than the best dressed lie.” Well, sadly I have had a series of men in designer tuxedos with some bad ass shoes and a fancy car. It seems I would have been better off with someone in a polyester suit, Florshiem shoes and a used Chevy or better yet sweats, sneakers and a metro card … just keep it real shall we.

None of ‘yous’ did me any favors with your forked tongues. As a matter of fact, I did myself one by owning my truths and retaining my value system, not pole dancing the same way ‘yous’ were pole dipping.

The highlight reel includes the one who was in utter disbelief that I was walking away on my own. He insisted I had to have another man to give me the strength to leave. Hmmmm, I see, guess it would have made him feel better, my job was not to make you feel better just me.

I used to feel broken and angry. I kept caution tape and chalk outlines on my heart to avoid letting another man get close, then I thought why? Why should I deprive myself or risk missing my twin-flame because of someone else.

It wouldn’t be fair if I didn’t mention, the ‘yous’ gave me ‘the deer in headlights apologies’ to clear their conscious, try to keep me as a friend in case they wanted to leverage my gal Friday services or pick my brain because I’m “intelligent” and try to keep banging me out. Wow, see how highly they thought of me?

The things I wanted to do with them, they refused but instantly did with someone else. Thanks to social media it was all in plain sight, wtf! Why am I brooding over ‘yous’? Broken became replaced with bruised and bruises heal which no longer take forever thanks to the likes of shitbags like ‘yous’.

Now, when I look in my rearview mirror, I know I didn’t fall short, ‘yous’ did because I still have no problem being a one man woman. I can say what I have to say and if you can’t serve me the way I want to be served I don’t need side dishes, I will walk away. I need one man who can provide the same five course meal I can provide to him.

I replay relationships which in turn translates to nothing but an affair, a tryst, a whimsy or possibly a figment of my imagination; yup I minimized that shit like they minimized my worth, and my commitment to ‘yous.’

Thank you to my past ‘yous’ who I once mistook for a real relationship, caught me sleeping, now I nap with one eye open.

See you’re the one with the rebound chic, me, I have nothing to rebound from. As far as I am concerned, once you cheated, everything was invalidated… oh and yes including the sex, what sex? Filling your spot is easy, it was never filled, no labels, you didn’t claim me, so there’s nothing to compare it too.

Overall, you, me, we … never happened… best things we never had… thank yous

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