Tag: emotions

If I take your words

by Soulful Storytellers, LLC, posted in Poetry

If I take your words in pieces

I create the story I want to tell

That of rainbows, sunshine and happy times

That of you being all mine

 

But a fool I shall not be

No piece meal of words to match the piece meal of ‘love’

The tokens you chose to throw to get where you want to go

 

I hear the full story, line by line

I see those things you think you can hide

Like my heart is not cold my eyes are not blind

I know we do not share the ties that bind

 

Your colorful lyrics and momentary gestures do not mean a lifetime together

They are just meant to get me to do whatever

 

This game we can no longer play for with you I will not stay

For while you gave me pieces I found my whole

One who loves me truly from the core of his soul

 

“When that defining moment comes it will be unlike any other. It will validate all the no’s for now you have the ultimate YES!”

© Soulmuze 2013

My Brother…Sey

by Soulful Storytellers, LLC, posted in Eclectic thoughts

Words cannot adequately describe how priceless my brother has become to me.  Sounds strange? Well it was to me when I first discovered I had not one but two! I lived 35 years of my life believing I was an only child. Never truly feeling like I belonged with the family in which I was placed, yet grateful for the care I received.

I think back at the gaps, emptiness and differences I experienced no longer with resentment but with better understanding and seeking to gain more closure within myself. The brave woman who gave me life made sure never to forget me when she had to let me go. She physically released me yet kept me close to her heart. As she gave life to my siblings she made sure to place me in their hearts as well.

My mum had to let me go to ensure that I received the best that life had to offer without malice, or abandonment from my biological father (who embraced my brothers without a second thought).

My eldest brother harvested all that my mum embedded in him of me. As soon as he was able he set on a journey to find me and did just that. Traveling from the United Kingdom to the United States to unite with me…a sister he only knew from the images mum could describe since she only had me in her care from birth to age 3 with little to no photographs. His quest to find his older sister was greeted with tears, fears, hesitation then was wrapped in undeniable love.

Thirteen years after our initial encounter, only seeing each other four times within those years I cannot describe how much love I have for him. To see us together you would never know how distant our lives were.  He’s everything I dreamed a brother would be and more. A phenomenal family man and I am forever grateful to him for giving me a piece of his heart and mending a piece in mine.

Written with unconditional love to you my brother, Sey, you connected the branch on my tree of life…

© Soulmuze 2013

Why do you look down when you walk?

by Soulful Storytellers, LLC, posted in Poetry

Why do you look down when you walk?

Are you marking your steps?

Watching the cracks in the sidewalk?

Why do you look down when you walk?

Trying to dodge that pile of shit or avoiding where you saw that man spit?

Why do you look down when you walk?

Do you really think you can see your way

With your head held down day after day

Take a chance, a peep, a glance

I take my right index figure and lift your chin

Now you will see life begin

Do not cast your eyes down low

Look upwards to see the blue sky glow

Do not hold your head down when you walk

For you have no reason to feel shame

Exude the confidence within

Replace that solemn mouth with a slight grin

What was called yesterday has gone

Today will soon end

Tomorrow is your pathway to win!!

Look down no more for the world is not as flat or dirty as the floor

 

© Soulmuze

 

Back in the driver’s seat

by Soulful Storytellers, LLC, posted in Configuration Management

Looks like some of the chill is out of the air and the warmer breeze will begin to flow. With the change of season we all wake up as if we were hibernating bears, look in the mirror, then ‘damn I need to lose weight and fast!’  Funny how we associate our presentation with the removal of winter coats, a big event or vacation.

Configuration management is a lifelong year round journey. Yet we tie it to a social factor. It’s understandable I do it too. The only thing that makes it stick is if you have a medical condition. Well being overweight creates all types of health risks so we should commit to making configuration management our yearlong, lifelong event.

Now, since starting my journey I lost 25 lbs and gained back 5, yay me! I was able to maintain and still enjoy the things I like BUT in small sporadic doses. For quite some time I have been in the passenger seat, just watching, cruising, not doing, procrastinating … As that got older and older (as I), I decided it was time to get back in the driver’s seat. This vehicle needed a proper tune-up and body work. I decided to focus on exercise so that I could develop a taste for it. Yes I said “taste”, the rewards of exercise helped me want to do it, the same way I wanted to eat a boatload of ice cream and french fries (well that only rewarded my guts, ewww). I established a simple routine of 3 times a week 45-60 min… Retained the assistance of a personal trainer and invested in a Nike fuel band for additional motivation… Gotta meet my daily fuel goal! (I have to take it back to the store because it’s not cooperating think I over worked it, yay me again!)… Anyway broken fuel band and I’m still exercising! After only 3 months I’m stronger, see my body reshaping and don’t cringe at the words plank or dead lifts.

Now, I’m heading into a nutritional cleanse program introduced by a friend of mine. I’m so excited about embarking on this new configuration program. I’m not in the habit of adverting what I’m doing. Why? Can’t take the naysayers! You know the ones that say:

You look fine, you don’t need to lose weight

Why are you wasting your money on that stuff

Just another fad… Blah, blah, blah

They act like you haven’t done your research, or they know how you feel when you look in the mirror (clothes on, clothes off two completely different views) or can’t get that outfit because “bulges” are not in style this year. Some need to understand people go into diet programs for support, accountability, competition (yes that’s a motivator have you seen “The Biggest Loser”?), convenience and simplicity. Here eat this, drink that, remove that… Following a program actually deprograms you from many negative eating behaviors. We are creatures of habit if we change our routines slightly it becomes second nature. However, you have to want that change, imitate that change and be committed to that change. Wait! Let me emphasize it’s a challenge like every other and it doesn’t guarantee you will eliminate every bad habit. But just by changing one you will achieve something positive.

 

To be a strong, happy loser you must grab that negative and make it work for you. So when someone says:

your fat or looking heavy  say “thank you for highlighting that glad you cared enough to tell me to my face” (not really but hey throw them off) then modify and rectify if you so desire

your doctor put you on medication for blood pressure or sugar  ask your doctor for recommendations to modify your diet, lifestyle changes often result in elimination or reduction of medication;  or if your adventurous like me I told my doctor give me 6 months to work on it without medication… So far a drug company has one less client. I may need it one day, just not today!

 You don’t need to lose weight say “you’re right I don’t need to but I want to” then think…  I’m must be looking good and they are trying to throw a wrench in my spokes.

No journey comes without peaks and valleys, the ones that aren’t a success are the ones you don’t try to embark upon.

Get in your driver’s seat, plug in your goal, follow your CMS (configuration management system),  go full speed ahead to a better you!!

I will keep you posted on my success!!!

 

© Soulmuze 2013

Emotional me

by Soulful Storytellers, LLC, posted in Eclectic thoughts

All my life I have been sensitive. One would think that I would become hardened by the many times I have been blindsided, played, used or whatever you choose to describe it. I can’t blame anyone but myself for those pitfalls. Most of the time I guess I saw it coming but chose to ignore it. Why? Because I want to believe in the goodness of people instead of accepting things for what they truly were/are.

♦ “She faced the hardest times you can imagine, and many times her eyes fall back the tears…” ♦

Like I said despite that I’m still extremely sensitive. I have tried to stay separated from others emotionally (with the exception of my family). Separated from loving, caring or trying to understand them, their pain and it continues to be … an epic fail! I have hurt people both intentional and unintentional. Yes, intentional so they can feel what they made me feel. Did they learn from it? Most likely, no, you can’t learn if you don’t truly care. Did I learn from it? Yes! The reward of revenge was short lived. It didn’t alleviate my pain, it worsened it. The pain they caused me was enhanced by the guilt of my revenge. While I tried not to care and separate myself I couldn’t. I was designed that way so the best thing is to accept, embrace and work with it.

♦ “And when her youthful world was about to fall in, each time her slender shoulders, ror the weight of all her tears, and a sorrow no one hears, still rings in midnight silence in her ears…” ♦

So I work through it, being emotional is what defines me. I was given a good heart which many lack. I wear my emotions on my sleeves, everyone can’t have a poker face; on rare occasions I luck out with a successful poker face but that’s too few and too far between.

Tears are like air for me, ever present and ready to flow. Happy, sad, proud, frustrated, angry, watching a movie, reading a book, watching the news, hearing of someone’s pain or misfortune… If our tears are God’s oceans then with me there is never a drought! While I have no choice but to accept my sensitivity it can be slightly embarrassing. When  I hear how great my children are or I get a text message bearing bad news or one of sweet words (those definitely don’t come enough), or my baby says me she loves me… my eyes get all watery… yeah I know it’s a bit much and beyond my control.

You see emotional me is just a sign of my humbleness. I have been blessed with many talents that I share and gifts that I appreciate. I know my quality and worth yet I am not cocky about it. Let me say I do have my moments of puffing out my chest but my humble reactions far exceed that peacock pride. Some people are recognized and complimented so much it’s their air but me, I’m not. So when I get it toward myself or my family I’m often humbled to tears and hold that morsel close to my heart. When people experience pain or a loss I’m humbled to tears because I have or may experience it at some point.

Emotional me is a rough and often a lonely road. Many don’t or can’t understand my reactions. It’s often viewed as childish, ‘you’re too emotional’, ‘it’s not that serious’, etc., the audacity of those who belittle my emotions… while I no longer expect  to be understood it still can be quite upsetting. It seems people would quicker accept if I were indifferent or hid behind a mask so we can waste time trying to figure out each other’s feelings. Well when I reach the point of indifference your existence doesn’t matter to me and we live in a world a masked avengers why must we proliferate it within what we consider true relationships.

Yes emotional me is an emotional extremist. Why not? I’m not an empty person so why keep empty people around.

♦ “Let her cry, for she’s a lady, let her dream for she’s a child, let the rain fall down upon her, she’s a free and gentle flower growing wild” ♦

Emotional me is all I know how to be. When you come across someone who is emotional don’t be afraid. That’s the one who may give you their heart, share your pain, remind you that you are not alone and will hold you in their arms all night even if it only brings you the smallest amount comfort… Besides isn’t that what God does for us…

♦ Song lyrics from Wildflower by New Birth

© Soulmuze 2012

Emotional negotiator

by Soulful Storytellers, LLC, posted in Eclectic thoughts

Miss Optimistic, that’s me! Always seeing the bright side. The silver lining on that nasty black cloud and the half full yet dirty glass. As time moves on I look at where I am, how I got here versus where I wanted to be. In that process I realized “what a frickin’ idiot!” Why? In my effort to rationalize I lost so much of myself and maybe you are doing the same.

We are taught to have faith and never give up hope. In this we negotiate our feelings. Creating a false sense of security. When those optimistic hopes fall to the way side we are devastated. We overlook all the signs of what is and instead create fairy tales.

“The story ends, as stories do, reality steps into view. No longer living life in paradise – of fairy tales…” Anita Baker reminds us that we will have to wake up and see things for what they are…eventually.

Could we possibly deal with disappointment better if we faced and braced for impact?

Many have become emotional negotiators for which I am so guilty of. No matter how bad it looks we find ways to soften the blow but then we justify the action in the hopes it will lead to our desires. Like a battered spouse or child being abused or beaten and equating it with love for fear of being alone.

We are hurting ourselves by denying the truth. We shouldn’t be embarrassed or afraid to say, “it’s not ok! I am hurting!” Pour the water out the glass so it can be left empty and dirty.

We allow the view of others to dictate our responses. You know ‘yes everything is fine’ with a smile because you don’t want to admit your mistake or that they were right all along.

“Bag lady you gone hurt your back, dragging all them bags like that. I guess nobody ever told you all you must hold on to is you,is you…” Erykah Badu’s words are like a mantra we need to repeat as a therapeutic release. All you have ‘is you.’

Weighing yourself down with emotional baggage takes away the light from your eyes and diminishes the love of yourself. Stop denying your feelings, brace yourself for the outcome. It will hurt, you will feel like you crash landed, you will cry but it won’t be an endless ocean. When the healing is complete you will be a little wiser, a little stronger and you will recognize when

“…the fantasy is over,my life must now begin…”

And always remember to…

“…pack light, pack light …”

For the next journey.

(c) Soulmuze 2012

Opening…

by Soulful Storytellers, LLC, posted in Eclectic thoughts

Are our thoughts truly new and profound? Or is it just the slight twist in the delivery that gets people thinking. Words awakening the spirit and stimulating a new thought or better yet activating an existing one you have chosen to ignore.

We may share the same story, but how we tell it differs on it’s impact. We are all unique by design, yet we share the same pain, concerns, needs and wants… or do we? See how easily we create confusion within ourselves, changing a punctuation changes our lives forever.

We hide behind our fears and scares. Hesitating to open ourselves, stiffling emotions and growth. When a flower refuses to bloom it’s beauty is trapped inside, wilts and fades. It’s lost and wasted. For the others that dare to open, it’s beauty is embraced, enjoyed and when it wilts and fades we have attached memorable moments to it’s existence.

It’s time to OPEN ourselves, reach within the depths of our beings so that we can know who we truly are. Share this transition with someone you love and trust. We were not designed to stand or do it alone. A world was OPENed for us, OPEN your world with someone.

“Creation begins with the OPENING of a seed which allows itself to be fertilized.”

© Soulmuze 2012