Tag: acceptance

2:22 

by Soulful Storytellers, LLC, posted in Eclectic thoughts

Photo credit: Google images   #Soulmuze #Soulspiration. 

Folks say I gotchu but ya know they blowin’ smoke 

Their words are nuffin’ but farts in the wind, must think u a joke

Leave dem whey dey at 

Keep makin’ ya moves, let em think ya a fool 

As da universe link ya wid a new support crew

2:22 Only one copy was pressed on Vinyl… but it fell and broke… 😂

Don’t be disappointed when you are not supported by those you expected to support you or you have always supported. 

It’s just life’s way of switching you to another path on your tree of life; preparing to change your circle… sometimes #people are #tapped out when it comes to you, vice-versa. 

#Embrace it, #welcome it, be #glad in it!

“To #live requires #growth, to  grow requires change. Once growth stops #death is present.” (Soulmuze)

(c) Soulmuze 2017

Everybody is talking about forgiving…

by Soulful Storytellers, LLC, posted in Eclectic thoughts

IMG_9025

“Time heals all wounds.”

Time… How much of it do we truly have? Wounds heal yet leave a scar to remind us of our injury. So how do we forgive for our scars never truly let us forget? As i think about all the jumbled pain I feel in an effort to find ways of reconciliation I come back to how much more time will I need to heal?

“We never know the day or the hour”

At this rate “When my roll is called up yonder” I will be transitioning with unforgiveness in my heart. Just the thought of that makes me a little more depressed. Many people could care less about letting go of anger, pain and heartbreak. For them it is all part of life, yes this is true, but do we want those things to become part of our death?

Holding on to these negative feelings kills a piece of you every day.  The snowball rolls increasing in size and the more it grows so does the bitterness and disillusionment of ‘how wonderful life can be.’ It chips away at the possibility of fulfilling dreams in this life… To the best of our knowledge THIS is all we have.

“So you live, so you die..”

I don’t want to take the weight of unforgiveness anywhere, do you? How can we be pulled up into the rapture if our hearts are heavy?  How can our spiritual souls travel the astral plains with weighted ankles?

“The longest Psalm has amen…”

We all have differing spiritual beliefs, despite those differences we share the common ground of wanting/needing to remove the weight of emotional pain. If we had the power to turn back time it would be to do things differently so we can release pain and increase love… Love ourselves, a person, a passion.

Time is not limitless, it’s precious and we waste so much of it…. So how do we begin to heal…

The journey of healing and releasing those weights will take on different forms: prayer, meditation, exercise, charity work, music, writing, traveling, speaking … It’s all about replacement. Whatever medium you choose never choose the path of indifference or self -destruction.

When you become indifferent there are no feelings left and you become even more hardened to the world. Those ankle weights rise up weighing down your calves, knees, thighs… You become firmly set, like cement, and you have given power to the darkness.

That darkness fuels your self-destruction… Covering those weights with drugs, alcohol, wanton behaviors that often end up leading to self-assisted death. Pain so deep that the strength to heal is overpowered by the desire to die. You take temporary solace in self-destructive behavior to quiet the voices in your head that remind you of pain and raise the voices of darkness that convince you to eliminate pain by repeating acts of self-destruction. Then one day the voices are no more, you are no more. Did it fix your problem or just extend the cycle of pain to the loved ones you have left grieving, wondering how could I have helped? Why didn’t I listen more, see more…?

“Life is filled with pain and disappointment.”

Oh yes it is, for some more than others. One thing that holds true once you work through the pain and disappointment you can find renewed strength. You can be a voice to others, the ears to listen, the arms to hug, the hope for someone else.

What you needed you can now offer to someone else. When you become an anchor for another they will become an anchor for you.

Back to the beginning…is it that time heals wounds? I guess that’s a personal assessment.  the desire to heal starts within oneself and we must reach out to others so we will not rot within.

For me… My replacements are in motion and if they fail I will find better ones. I have no time to waste on people or things in which we don’t share a mutual level of value.

© Soulmuze 2015

Leaving my bed

by Soulful Storytellers, LLC, posted in Poetry

bed

As I rise and leave my bed
Random thoughts of you run through my head
The words you drop so lyrically sweet
And when we touch my heart skips a beat
So nice to feel like a girl in love
But the woman in me knows there are no white doves
Like in Disney movies swirling around me
Singing songs and twirling happily
It’s all just random emotions that I feel crawling out of bed
A fantasy at best, nothing left to be said

© Soulmuze 2014

She is becoming

by Soulful Storytellers, LLC, posted in Poetry

amanda november 2013

She is still becoming despite her 40+ years.

She is still becoming for she has yet to face all her fears.

She is still becoming trying to fill the gaps in her heart.

She is still becoming waiting for her brand new start.

She is still becoming despite the darkness of her pain

She believes she will find herself again

She understands what she must leave behind

She is eager to see what’s new and will stand in line

She recognizes she had to fall so that she could stand

She recognizes that for her, God has His own plan

She knows patience is a virtue and she must stand tall

She also knows that she must be prepared to answer the call

She is slowly opening her eyes so that she may see

She knows that blindness kept her from accepting reality

She is not allowing others to taint her view

She is removing the tinted glasses and letting the real colors shine through

She will become more than anyone expected her to be

She is becoming amazing and free

She is becoming more creative in her spirit

She is becoming stronger in her fight

She is not a phoenix, for she never allowed herself to become anyone’s ash

She became a warrior, a tribal leader, a ninja, a mighty power who can be brash

She is still becoming for her evolution has no end

Becoming, becoming, becoming so much more than the eye can see

She is becoming

She is me.

For those who have fought the wars of love and won and for those still fighting.

© 2014 Soulmuze, Photo Credits Albert Blackman, Jr. of AlBJ Photography

If I take your words

by Soulful Storytellers, LLC, posted in Poetry

If I take your words in pieces

I create the story I want to tell

That of rainbows, sunshine and happy times

That of you being all mine

 

But a fool I shall not be

No piece meal of words to match the piece meal of ‘love’

The tokens you chose to throw to get where you want to go

 

I hear the full story, line by line

I see those things you think you can hide

Like my heart is not cold my eyes are not blind

I know we do not share the ties that bind

 

Your colorful lyrics and momentary gestures do not mean a lifetime together

They are just meant to get me to do whatever

 

This game we can no longer play for with you I will not stay

For while you gave me pieces I found my whole

One who loves me truly from the core of his soul

 

“When that defining moment comes it will be unlike any other. It will validate all the no’s for now you have the ultimate YES!”

© Soulmuze 2013

Ultimate Thresholds, do they truly exist?

by Soulful Storytellers, LLC, posted in Eclectic thoughts

Have you considered your dead end threshold, the ultimate violation (in your eyes) which once that line is crossed there is no turning back.

I, like the rest of the world, had/has/will continue to have my fair of shit thrown at me.  When I think about the wrong done to me which triggered my retaliation I start thinking, is this the justification for evolution… Don’t monkeys throw shit at each other ?… Hmmmm

Don’t get mad, get even… But what happened to do unto others as you would have them to do unto you? … Unless you get off on negative behaviors you may not want to live your life in a spiral of warring with mankind.

The handbook for life is the most unique book ever created and only one is written per person. We each author our own book, creating our own  rules and exceptions on a case by case basis. We determine that final ultimate violation rule that no matter who you are once crossed it’s a done deal. You may as well sell your soul to the devil because that relationship is over…

 Or is it? I think we all have some type of morals, at minimum an ounce, so why do we often ignore that final line? Is it the forgive -forget factor or nobody’s perfect; it will get better if I just do this one thing; acknowledgement of karma; lack of confidence that a better relationship awaits us; are we so caught up in what other people think our actions become determined by society’s view; or do we simply enjoy the pain and humiliation?

Let me clarify, when I say relationship I’m speaking of any type of relationship, this isn’t solely about the intimacy spectrum, it’s every and any relationship. 

Every moment we face this dilemma of managing thresholds and sticking to our personalized life handbook.  No matter how hard we try avoid it, we keep rewriting our thresholds and expanding the exception list. To get what we want we add work-arounds to our personalized handbook,  aligning with someone else’s, over time slowly corrupting the lines. darkening or lightening those areas that once defined your uniqueness and tolerance levels.

We all know that one person who will say “I will never!”, better yet you are that one person who said and will continue to say “Hell no! If that was me… I would never..” (Think about what I just said)…

Replay parts of your life how many times have you or that one friend eaten those words? Not only do we throw the shit we eat it too! Does it make us bad, stupid, immoral, desperate…? No that’s what makes us human. We will judge others for their decisions and justify those same decisions when applied to self.

So do we really have that drop dead ultimate threshold line? One of the most popular tattoos to date is “only God can judge me” oh really now… So why do we ALL have something to say about someone? Our whole entertainment system is designed to fuel opinions, our court system has a judge and jury, the media has their opinion, our parents are our judge until we can stand independently, etc. So do you truly believe only God can judge you?… God gave man the will to make our own decisions which lead to judgment of man by man.

Until the end-of-days arrive we will judge each other be it right or wrong.

We will adjust that threshold even though we know better because we need to either satisfy ourselves or please the masses.

Ultimate thresholds, do they truly exist?

© Soulmuze 2013

Take a look at yourself…Priceless

by Soulful Storytellers, LLC, posted in Eclectic thoughts

I was thinking about the things my mother said you know the stuff that sticks when you’re trying not to listen.  I thought about the choices I made, the people I surround myself with then suddenly my thoughts went deeper. You know into the part of your subconscious where you throw all the things you can’t or don’t want to accept. At first I thought I’m clearly having a melt-down, but then I said I need to take a look at ME. Why? Because there are aspects of me, my life and my values that don’t seem to fit the “norm,” (whatever that is). Is it me? Am I missing something? Am I so abnormal? I mean I’m an immigrant to the United States, they called us “Resident Aliens” until we became “Naturalized Citizens”, but am I still an Alien? (These name tags add to our f’up society, why can’t we just be human beings?)…

My subconscious, who I named ColorfulSpirt, said to me:

What is it that drives your likes, your taste in men, choice in friends, the colors you choose? What do you think will complete you? What do you need to close that gap that has you wearing that perfected smile which is often far from genuine to heal the wound that no amount of ointment or band aids can cover…”I’m ok” is not a cure all, it’s a postpone all as you deny all…

My reply:

ColorfulSpirit, I just don’t know anymore. I have reinvented myself, taken failures to make them successes, tried to listen more, be loyal, giving, reasonable, honest, stronger… Yet it seems the reinvention quickly becomes obsolete; my strength is failing; my loyalty, giving and honesty is often abused; the weight on my shoulders make my knees buckle and my heart ache.

ColorfulSpirit:

Well you gave yourself the name Soulmuze and that was not a random decision. You searched within yourself for a name that would define your essence.

  •  “Soul” because of your sense of identity, spiritual and emotional nature in which you will leave an immortal mark on anyone or anything you touch.
  •  “Muze” because of your nature of self-reflection, a guiding spirit, a source of inspiration.
  • The ‘Z’ replaces the ‘S’ in Muze to represent the fact that there is no one exactly like you.

 As a child you were always viewed as different, you accepted that difference, you worked thru it, and used it to become the woman you are today. Your destiny is to be the woman you are and no matter how long the path or the branch on the tree of life you will get what is yours and yours alone. Differences built both positive and negative in this world, so don’t allow any to tear down the woman you worked so hard to be!

 Well, ColorfulSpirit was and is always enlightening. We often ignore and de-value our subconscious, but when we step back and take a look at ourselves we find the lost treasures of who we are, what makes us unique and valuable. Even if no one else acknowledges your worth you should never let go of it… priceless.

© Soulmuze 2013

 

Apologies accepted..eventually

by Soulful Storytellers, LLC, posted in Eclectic thoughts

“One thing I don’t need is anymore apologies! I got sorry greetin’ me at my front door!…” The unforgettable opening from Sorry in Ntozake Shange’s choreopoem ,“For Colored Girls Who Have Considered Suicide When the Rainbow is Enuf”

We are all guilty of blurting out things in the heat of passion whether it is during love making or an argument.
Thoughts of what we said usually happen after we have released our words to the universe. ‘Geez, now what do I do?’ You have either torn someone down or set their expectations higher than you ever intended.

At a crossroads with your conscious you want to apologize, retract your statement but you ask yourself ‘is it too late?’ Have I crossed the river of no return? It’s truly hard to determine. We are taught to forgive and forget. I don’t buy into the forgetting portion too much. We must remember in order not to repeat or to recognize when it’s going to happen again, brace for impact and stop it in its track. Use it as an instructive lesson.

Now forgiving here’s the challenge for us all. You hurt me, lied to me, mislead me, omitted information that impacts our relationship and an apology is supposed to repair that? Do you think you can say and do whatever you want and clean it up with ‘sorry’ later? Is it sincere or just to pacify? All of this thought process is truly overwhelming yet it’s unavoidable, especially when the act creating the need to apologize is repeated.

As imperfect beings we need to be able to accept an apology whether it’s delivered minutes, hours, days or months later. It doesn’t mean we are weak but it allows us to put a lid on that pot. It helps to smolder the silent flame that burns within for the emotional disruption that was caused.

“Steada bein sorry alla the time enjoy bein yourself!” …the poem’s closing line. You know who and what you are so own up to it!

The actions of some are intentional, self-serving and being sorry is just who they are! It takes all kinds and there are many straight up sorry human beings. So do you stress yourself, expend unnecessary energy or do you just let it and them go? Easier said than done but the journey starts with a single, small step. Accept the apologies regardless of the sincerity, leave the burden on the one delivering the apology. Forgive yourself in the part you may have played (remember it takes two hands to clap). Make room to welcome positive energy and experiences into your fold.

© Soulmuze 2012