Ultimate Thresholds, do they truly exist?

by Soulful Storytellers, LLC, posted in Eclectic thoughts

Have you considered your dead end threshold, the ultimate violation (in your eyes) which once that line is crossed there is no turning back.

I, like the rest of the world, had/has/will continue to have my fair of shit thrown at me.  When I think about the wrong done to me which triggered my retaliation I start thinking, is this the justification for evolution… Don’t monkeys throw shit at each other ?… Hmmmm

Don’t get mad, get even… But what happened to do unto others as you would have them to do unto you? … Unless you get off on negative behaviors you may not want to live your life in a spiral of warring with mankind.

The handbook for life is the most unique book ever created and only one is written per person. We each author our own book, creating our own  rules and exceptions on a case by case basis. We determine that final ultimate violation rule that no matter who you are once crossed it’s a done deal. You may as well sell your soul to the devil because that relationship is over…

 Or is it? I think we all have some type of morals, at minimum an ounce, so why do we often ignore that final line? Is it the forgive -forget factor or nobody’s perfect; it will get better if I just do this one thing; acknowledgement of karma; lack of confidence that a better relationship awaits us; are we so caught up in what other people think our actions become determined by society’s view; or do we simply enjoy the pain and humiliation?

Let me clarify, when I say relationship I’m speaking of any type of relationship, this isn’t solely about the intimacy spectrum, it’s every and any relationship. 

Every moment we face this dilemma of managing thresholds and sticking to our personalized life handbook.  No matter how hard we try avoid it, we keep rewriting our thresholds and expanding the exception list. To get what we want we add work-arounds to our personalized handbook,  aligning with someone else’s, over time slowly corrupting the lines. darkening or lightening those areas that once defined your uniqueness and tolerance levels.

We all know that one person who will say “I will never!”, better yet you are that one person who said and will continue to say “Hell no! If that was me… I would never..” (Think about what I just said)…

Replay parts of your life how many times have you or that one friend eaten those words? Not only do we throw the shit we eat it too! Does it make us bad, stupid, immoral, desperate…? No that’s what makes us human. We will judge others for their decisions and justify those same decisions when applied to self.

So do we really have that drop dead ultimate threshold line? One of the most popular tattoos to date is “only God can judge me” oh really now… So why do we ALL have something to say about someone? Our whole entertainment system is designed to fuel opinions, our court system has a judge and jury, the media has their opinion, our parents are our judge until we can stand independently, etc. So do you truly believe only God can judge you?… God gave man the will to make our own decisions which lead to judgment of man by man.

Until the end-of-days arrive we will judge each other be it right or wrong.

We will adjust that threshold even though we know better because we need to either satisfy ourselves or please the masses.

Ultimate thresholds, do they truly exist?

© Soulmuze 2013

Promise of transition

by Soulful Storytellers, LLC, posted in Uncategorized

Today I asked myself for a status update, sometimes you need to “check yourself.”

The question of the day was:  “Did I stick to my promise of “transition”?” You see I stopped using the word “change.” Why? I realized my mind translates “change” as dramatic upheavals, go hard or go home… Now I know that change can be gradual or drastic yet as an extremist I process it (for myself) solely as drastic. 

In order to keep myself at a manageable level, I go with “transition.” My mind recognizes this as a metamorphosis over time which will yield me lasting results. So today was time for a self-assessment of the last eight months. My transitions are not based on long forgotten New Year’s Eve promises; they are things that solely depend on me, for me, decided by me… All about me!

It’s important for me to be better so that those who depend on me, look to me or come to me can benefit from the optimal version of me at that point on time. 

We often worry about pleasing, caring, and satisfying everyone else before we take care of ourselves. My transition is not selfish in nature as I believe that I was not birthed for selfish gain but to be a gift and a blessing to those who cross my path and whose path I cross. 

 “Did I stick to my promise of “transition”?” … Absolutely! 

As I see myself today I am successful in my transitions even those that I view as a temporary failure. Yes failure is a temporary state of being as long as you resolve to learn from it, modify your approach and try again. 

The things I set to gradually modify have removed a cloud to allow more light in my life. It has also allowed me to share that light with others who are open to receive it, bringing them into the fold of “transition.” 

 As I gradually increase altitude I followed the instructions whispered to me by those who paved the road before me.  “Put on my armor first, whether it’s a life vest or oxygen mask. Open the life raft first for you cannot save others if you are struggling to save yourself.” 

 The concept of me first is not that of selfishness. It is more of laying the foundation to be strong enough to hold up the rest. When the rest is stronger they are added to the foundation. Now the transition is flipping the ‘m’ in me to become the ‘w’ in we. 

However you play with words whether it is “change” or “transition” it’s something that’s evident and relevant for everyday living. Take the lead in bettering yourself and others.

 

© Soulmuze 2013

My Brother…Sey

by Soulful Storytellers, LLC, posted in Eclectic thoughts

Words cannot adequately describe how priceless my brother has become to me.  Sounds strange? Well it was to me when I first discovered I had not one but two! I lived 35 years of my life believing I was an only child. Never truly feeling like I belonged with the family in which I was placed, yet grateful for the care I received.

I think back at the gaps, emptiness and differences I experienced no longer with resentment but with better understanding and seeking to gain more closure within myself. The brave woman who gave me life made sure never to forget me when she had to let me go. She physically released me yet kept me close to her heart. As she gave life to my siblings she made sure to place me in their hearts as well.

My mum had to let me go to ensure that I received the best that life had to offer without malice, or abandonment from my biological father (who embraced my brothers without a second thought).

My eldest brother harvested all that my mum embedded in him of me. As soon as he was able he set on a journey to find me and did just that. Traveling from the United Kingdom to the United States to unite with me…a sister he only knew from the images mum could describe since she only had me in her care from birth to age 3 with little to no photographs. His quest to find his older sister was greeted with tears, fears, hesitation then was wrapped in undeniable love.

Thirteen years after our initial encounter, only seeing each other four times within those years I cannot describe how much love I have for him. To see us together you would never know how distant our lives were.  He’s everything I dreamed a brother would be and more. A phenomenal family man and I am forever grateful to him for giving me a piece of his heart and mending a piece in mine.

Written with unconditional love to you my brother, Sey, you connected the branch on my tree of life…

© Soulmuze 2013

Branches on your tree of life

by Soulful Storytellers, LLC, posted in Eclectic thoughts

I have heard many times that our lives are mapped at conception much like the growth of a tree. As our roots begin to grow, our life branches are created. We choose a branch in the hopes of a sturdy path but if its weak we double back to the trunk of the tree to find a new branch, a new path. The branches may have some similarities so you may find yourself doing the same thing but those similarities doesn’t always yield the same results.

If the branch is weak and cannot hold the weight of your desires it breaks and you have to start from the base and make your way up.

If the branch is strong you get all of your desires but it doesn’t guarantee that you are content. Why? Because the branch is just hanging out there with no true connection… Like a dangling participle. Many people like that as it allows them full control and an apparent drama free existence.

Yet we were not designed just to dangle, just let someone swing on a vine until it breaks. From the beginning of time whether you believe in evolution or God everything was created to have a connection, a purpose, a link to extending existence. That existence, that indelible mark that continues to keep you connected as you transition from a physical existence to a spiritual one.

It’s not just about having children to tag them with your family name which they can change. It’s about creating a connection through pairing, allowing a bird to build a nest, a squirrel to hide their food, or even a cat to escape danger in your tree.

Take a look at your life… Are you creating connections? Sincere ones. Do you have the one who will hold you when you are having nightmares? One who will listen to you rant and rave? Share your darkest secrets or intimate desires without judgement but will consider sharing the execution? The one who will clean the gook from you eyes, the crud from your nose?

Hope your tree of life has honest supporting connections.

(C) Soulmuze 2013

Take a look at yourself…Priceless

by Soulful Storytellers, LLC, posted in Eclectic thoughts

I was thinking about the things my mother said you know the stuff that sticks when you’re trying not to listen.  I thought about the choices I made, the people I surround myself with then suddenly my thoughts went deeper. You know into the part of your subconscious where you throw all the things you can’t or don’t want to accept. At first I thought I’m clearly having a melt-down, but then I said I need to take a look at ME. Why? Because there are aspects of me, my life and my values that don’t seem to fit the “norm,” (whatever that is). Is it me? Am I missing something? Am I so abnormal? I mean I’m an immigrant to the United States, they called us “Resident Aliens” until we became “Naturalized Citizens”, but am I still an Alien? (These name tags add to our f’up society, why can’t we just be human beings?)…

My subconscious, who I named ColorfulSpirt, said to me:

What is it that drives your likes, your taste in men, choice in friends, the colors you choose? What do you think will complete you? What do you need to close that gap that has you wearing that perfected smile which is often far from genuine to heal the wound that no amount of ointment or band aids can cover…”I’m ok” is not a cure all, it’s a postpone all as you deny all…

My reply:

ColorfulSpirit, I just don’t know anymore. I have reinvented myself, taken failures to make them successes, tried to listen more, be loyal, giving, reasonable, honest, stronger… Yet it seems the reinvention quickly becomes obsolete; my strength is failing; my loyalty, giving and honesty is often abused; the weight on my shoulders make my knees buckle and my heart ache.

ColorfulSpirit:

Well you gave yourself the name Soulmuze and that was not a random decision. You searched within yourself for a name that would define your essence.

  •  “Soul” because of your sense of identity, spiritual and emotional nature in which you will leave an immortal mark on anyone or anything you touch.
  •  “Muze” because of your nature of self-reflection, a guiding spirit, a source of inspiration.
  • The ‘Z’ replaces the ‘S’ in Muze to represent the fact that there is no one exactly like you.

 As a child you were always viewed as different, you accepted that difference, you worked thru it, and used it to become the woman you are today. Your destiny is to be the woman you are and no matter how long the path or the branch on the tree of life you will get what is yours and yours alone. Differences built both positive and negative in this world, so don’t allow any to tear down the woman you worked so hard to be!

 Well, ColorfulSpirit was and is always enlightening. We often ignore and de-value our subconscious, but when we step back and take a look at ourselves we find the lost treasures of who we are, what makes us unique and valuable. Even if no one else acknowledges your worth you should never let go of it… priceless.

© Soulmuze 2013

 

Why do you look down when you walk?

by Soulful Storytellers, LLC, posted in Poetry

Why do you look down when you walk?

Are you marking your steps?

Watching the cracks in the sidewalk?

Why do you look down when you walk?

Trying to dodge that pile of shit or avoiding where you saw that man spit?

Why do you look down when you walk?

Do you really think you can see your way

With your head held down day after day

Take a chance, a peep, a glance

I take my right index figure and lift your chin

Now you will see life begin

Do not cast your eyes down low

Look upwards to see the blue sky glow

Do not hold your head down when you walk

For you have no reason to feel shame

Exude the confidence within

Replace that solemn mouth with a slight grin

What was called yesterday has gone

Today will soon end

Tomorrow is your pathway to win!!

Look down no more for the world is not as flat or dirty as the floor

 

© Soulmuze

 

Back in the driver’s seat

by Soulful Storytellers, LLC, posted in Configuration Management

Looks like some of the chill is out of the air and the warmer breeze will begin to flow. With the change of season we all wake up as if we were hibernating bears, look in the mirror, then ‘damn I need to lose weight and fast!’  Funny how we associate our presentation with the removal of winter coats, a big event or vacation.

Configuration management is a lifelong year round journey. Yet we tie it to a social factor. It’s understandable I do it too. The only thing that makes it stick is if you have a medical condition. Well being overweight creates all types of health risks so we should commit to making configuration management our yearlong, lifelong event.

Now, since starting my journey I lost 25 lbs and gained back 5, yay me! I was able to maintain and still enjoy the things I like BUT in small sporadic doses. For quite some time I have been in the passenger seat, just watching, cruising, not doing, procrastinating … As that got older and older (as I), I decided it was time to get back in the driver’s seat. This vehicle needed a proper tune-up and body work. I decided to focus on exercise so that I could develop a taste for it. Yes I said “taste”, the rewards of exercise helped me want to do it, the same way I wanted to eat a boatload of ice cream and french fries (well that only rewarded my guts, ewww). I established a simple routine of 3 times a week 45-60 min… Retained the assistance of a personal trainer and invested in a Nike fuel band for additional motivation… Gotta meet my daily fuel goal! (I have to take it back to the store because it’s not cooperating think I over worked it, yay me again!)… Anyway broken fuel band and I’m still exercising! After only 3 months I’m stronger, see my body reshaping and don’t cringe at the words plank or dead lifts.

Now, I’m heading into a nutritional cleanse program introduced by a friend of mine. I’m so excited about embarking on this new configuration program. I’m not in the habit of adverting what I’m doing. Why? Can’t take the naysayers! You know the ones that say:

You look fine, you don’t need to lose weight

Why are you wasting your money on that stuff

Just another fad… Blah, blah, blah

They act like you haven’t done your research, or they know how you feel when you look in the mirror (clothes on, clothes off two completely different views) or can’t get that outfit because “bulges” are not in style this year. Some need to understand people go into diet programs for support, accountability, competition (yes that’s a motivator have you seen “The Biggest Loser”?), convenience and simplicity. Here eat this, drink that, remove that… Following a program actually deprograms you from many negative eating behaviors. We are creatures of habit if we change our routines slightly it becomes second nature. However, you have to want that change, imitate that change and be committed to that change. Wait! Let me emphasize it’s a challenge like every other and it doesn’t guarantee you will eliminate every bad habit. But just by changing one you will achieve something positive.

 

To be a strong, happy loser you must grab that negative and make it work for you. So when someone says:

your fat or looking heavy  say “thank you for highlighting that glad you cared enough to tell me to my face” (not really but hey throw them off) then modify and rectify if you so desire

your doctor put you on medication for blood pressure or sugar  ask your doctor for recommendations to modify your diet, lifestyle changes often result in elimination or reduction of medication;  or if your adventurous like me I told my doctor give me 6 months to work on it without medication… So far a drug company has one less client. I may need it one day, just not today!

 You don’t need to lose weight say “you’re right I don’t need to but I want to” then think…  I’m must be looking good and they are trying to throw a wrench in my spokes.

No journey comes without peaks and valleys, the ones that aren’t a success are the ones you don’t try to embark upon.

Get in your driver’s seat, plug in your goal, follow your CMS (configuration management system),  go full speed ahead to a better you!!

I will keep you posted on my success!!!

 

© Soulmuze 2013

We are a flash mob

by Soulful Storytellers, LLC, posted in Poetry

We are a flash mob

Of negative proportions

Pockets of people

Selfish ambitions

Collaborating only if they can obtain the largest piece

 We are a flash mob

Stopping progress

Implementing reversals of fortunes for the less fortunate

We are a flash mob

Striking over and over again

Shedding blood, tears, taking lives

Occupying streets for what purpose?

Homeless people have been occupying streets for centuries

and you still don’t care

We are a flash mob

One of destruction

Our ancestors weep in their graves

Our activists are in a state of unrest

Where have their efforts gone?

We are a flash mob

That never stops flashing

Negative actions like a strobe light on our future with an intoxicating bass beat

Distracting us from the truth

Deterring us from securing a room in Our Father’s mansion

We are a flash mob

We have created our own casualties of war

Pointing blame in every direction

except within ourselves

We are a flash mob

We have taken all that is great, beautiful and just grounded it into gravel

Blame terrorists, militant groups

But in the end they are we and we are they

We are a flash mob

Dissecting our communities, how can we achieve unity?

Abandoned children

Abandoned hopes

Abandoned dreams

Abandoned futures

Sadly, painfully…

We are a flash mob

 

© Soulmuze 2012

 

How do I find my smile again?

by Soulful Storytellers, LLC, posted in Poetry

How do I find my smile again?

The one that starts from deep within and radiates beyond the shape of my mouth

How do I find the smile that made me tingle inside?

Not the fake one that I wear to cover the tears I hide

That amazing smile that I used to know

The one that gave me that special glow

The smile that supersedes minutes of great sex

The smile that carries from one moment to the next

The smile so genuine and sweet that reminded me there is no foe I could not beat

How do I find my smile again?

Buried under tears distracted by my fears

The smile that says there is nothing I can’t do

Empowering my strength to deal with life’s zoo

Didn’t know that I let it go until it was gone

If I don’t know how it was lost I’m not sure how to grab it back

Maybe it will return if I wait a while.

Can someone help me find my smile?

 

© Soulmuze 2012

Silence…The longest journey

by Soulful Storytellers, LLC, posted in Eclectic thoughts

The power,  the need for self-expression. Everything we do is an art, an outlet of expressionism. What isn’t spoken, is painted, is danced, is put to music, is worn, is acted…

Yet we are on the longest journey of silence. Many of us fear the lack of acceptance or understanding by others so we are silent…muted.

‘We have freedom of speech,’ so they say, as long as it is confined within our respective domains.

‘We have freedom of religion,’ so they say, as long as it adheres to societal standards.

‘We have freedom of expression,’ so they say, as long as we don’t offend a particular group of people.

“We have the freedom of silence,” so I say, for that is the longest journey we endure from the cradle to the grave.

As infants we cry too much, too loud yet how will you know our needs?

As toddlers we talk too much but why do you tell us to use our words?

As adolescents we are too nosy, inquisitive, too much attitude but how do we begin to learn about life and why don’t you teach us to respond better?

As adults we think we know it all but we are always being challenged so how do we stand against those who are wrong?

As lovers we want too much closeness, intimacy, romance but isn’t that part of love?

As elderly we share our past repeatedly but how do you expect to learn and prepare for your future?

We want to silence one another because we can’t be bothered, not interested, heard it all before … If our ancestors allowed themselves to stay silent would we be here?

Should we have silenced our grass roots political activists, educators, inventors, artists, poets, etc.?

If our parents silenced their desires would you be here  today?

Our failure to express is creating our inability to express.

We are silenced so often that when we need to break it our messages risk distortion. We become destructive, attacking fueling the catalyst of negative empowerment.

When we are done we continue on the longest journey of silence.

Internalizing our feelings, scrambling our minds, altering our auras becoming cold and dark.

We smile to please but harbor so much resentment for one another.

We say that we ‘love’ but how can we love unconditionally with the baggage trapped in our hearts as a result of silence.

Silence…the longest journey, the most deafening sound and always the champion.

 At what point do we stop being afraid to share our feelings, stop being afraid of rejection.

For me, I share the journey of silence. I break it with those who care to hear which is few and far between. I welcome those who want to break their silence with me for with each break in that journey I heal, learn, grow and lend more than just an ear but an open, cleaner heart.

© Soulmuze 2012