L-O-V-E versus L-U-V…

We all create our own definition of the word love. It’s often misused, abused, unappreciated and disrespected. If love was a person he/she would have scars all over their body from repeated murder-suicide attempts and be exhausted from reincarnation.

For those who believe, we were provided with a true definition of love, based on a foundation of sacrifice, unselfishness and forgiveness. 1 Corinthians 13 Apostle Paul teaches us that our spiritual gifts are invaluable without the foundation of love.  No matter what translation you use it’s still the same:

Love is patient, kind, rejoices with truth, bears all, believes all, hopes all,

is never ending.

Love is not braggadocios and certainly not  competition.

Being of the flesh with distorted views we naturally fail to build and maintain this solid foundation. We may give one part but not the other, why? We are self-serving individuals who only will give to get immediate satisfaction! We want it all and if we can’t get it from one we will snip a piece here, snatch a piece there and schmooze a piece everywhere else.   Despite acquiring all these pieces they still don’t create the whole so we continue an unending cycle of piecemeal behavior.  We are so caught up in societal greed trying to get as much as we can, and are blurred.  When we do have a whole piece we can’t see clearly. Driven by all the wrong things (which seemingly appear to be right) to the point that when our corrective lenses kick in its too late because it’s gone and the damage may be irreparable. What next? Back to the cycle we are most familiar, safe, non-committal and affords us the greatest control… or so we think…piecemeal.

L-O-V-E versus L-U-V … Much like our personalized definition of the word our spelling isn’t any different. From my view the spelling dictates the meaning as well. When you are involved with a person and he/she writes ‘luv you’ or ‘luv always’ does it have the same effect as ‘love you’ or ‘love always’?…Look at it… think about it…

Some will argue it’s only the spelling. Really?… Well let’s look at common everyday words: there, they’re, their; hare, here, hear, hair; some, sum; know, no; to, too, two… These words sound the same, spelled differently and clearly have different meanings. So why would anyone think l-u-v means the same as l-o-v-e?

L-U-V is the safe word. Used for acquaintances and the like. When someone writes this to you it’s an indication of where you stand in that relationship. In rare cases it’s sincere but for most it is what it is:  non-committal, arm’s length, you better manage your expectations in that relationship …

L-O-V-E the word of power, commitment, dedication! Used for something or someone that is real to you, doesn’t mean you are real to them, but you are hoping it’s mutual… When we sign a card to our parents, spouse, mate, lover, best friends, children… and spell out love there is no doubt in their mind of your definition… In some cases it will be spelled love but mean luv, goes back to saying what it takes to get what you want… Here we are focusing on the real meaning! That word you read in an email, text, card, note, that will send chills up and down your spine, make your heart flutter, bring a smile of hope to your face if you share the same feeling or it can make those fine hairs stand up on your back because it’s not reciprocal and you need to find a way to manage the situation, run for your life.

When I receive a card I may not remember the verses but I do remember how it’s signed. Recently I received a hand written note, I remember the brightly colored ink it was written in and it was signed L-O-V-E. May mean nothing to you but it meant a lot to me.

I am often a giving and selfless person to a fault, as I call it my blessing and my curse. Negative life experiences have left me with so much baggage yet I am still willing to take that leap of faith… just to end up flat on my face over and over again. Makes me laugh and cry as I write. So far I haven’t given up but I do become weak and disillusioned, however, I believe in the Most High, I know that those who intentionally give bitter fruit will get rotten fruit in return.

Prior to the digital age we gave more thought to words. We knew the value of not only the spoken word but the written as well. So, where has it all that gone? Why we are so emotionally disconnected from one another?

L-O-V-E versus L-U-V. We play on words like we play on one another’s feelings. This one word can make or break a nation so why haven’t we learned to respect its power? Could it be that we don’t respect our selves, relationships or the feelings of others? Is it just a silly game as we masquerade to get the perceived next best thing?… (Did you catch the musical reference to songs performed by Stephanie Mills and George Benson?)

For me I luv many, and love few. There is no doubt when I present a feeling that it’s real! I don’t need to falsify to gain short term satisfaction when I desire the long term blessings good, honest, sincere love can bring.

The fruit on my tree remains sweet despite the few rotten pieces I have received in between. I am not without fault in the play on words but I have learned. Whether it is in this life or another L-O-V-E will always triumph over L-U-V.

*Inspired by Minister S. Emmanuel Epps’ sermon on “Making a Love Connection” delivered at The Park Avenue Christian Church,  August 12, 2012, in addition to the love and luv  I have and continue to give/receive..

 

© Soulmuze 2012

Distorted Views

When I look at you all I see is a ghosted image of what I want you to be

Like funhouse mirrors my eyes distort your flaws making you more than what you truly are

Distorted views, false realities why is my mind playing tricks on me?

Ghosted images, double sometimes triple,
Taking what’s in my heart to feed the alternate view of you

Multiple images, honesty in one, while there are lies in all the others

The image, your lips move, talking trash lyrics real smooth

Body language throwing your swag from right to left

As you lock down your performance from one chic to the next

You say my distortion is just a trick

I need to get my eyes and ears fixed

You make me laugh out loud with your tongue Mr Slick

Really sir is that so?

You’re telling me to stay but am i the only one? …So…

Distorted views but I must choose

You win, I win but there’s a chance We will lose

So confused by distorted views

© Soulmuze 2012

The Rhythmchild

His dancing, tells stories of emotions trapped inside

He doesn’t move to the norm, his style is as subtle as a quiet storm

His body, a canvas depicting his passions

He lives, driven by desire, evolving his own fashions

Breathing new life into music

Translating subliminal messages

His goal, to open others beyond the walls of today’s empty lyrics and monotonous beats

To educate and communicate

Fueled from within

Each pop, kick, spin, glide and slide is used to battle the pain inside

His scars, permanent, and rich

But he will use them to bring positive light your way.

That just scratches the surface of… The Rhythmchild

© Soulmuze 2012

The strength of a woman…

It amazes me that in this day and age men view every woman the same. At the same time men do not like being grouped in the “all” or “every”.

As human beings we cannot mature beyond stereotypes within our gender? Regardless of who was created first, men and women were designed to be strong. That strength whether it is as individuals or a unit should not be viewed in a negative light.

I was told by more than one man, of differing races I might add, that I am ‘too strong’ and it can be ‘intimidating’ to a man…Really?… I should consider ‘dumbing’ myself down and this way I would be marriage material… WTF?…

Let me breakdown this concept as best I can for my own edification:

1. The strength of a single woman is a bad thing

2. Women who are married are playing or played dumb to get/keep their man

Aren’t women supposed to be the anchor of the household? Aren’t women supposed to enrich their mate, support him when the ‘man’ tares him down? Aren’t women designed to nurture, go out in the fields when the man can’t?

Did I misread the history books? Did I misinterpret the foundation lessons in church? Am I missing something in the translation of ‘man cleaves onto his wife?’ Guess they cut out the part that says cleave to your wife but her strength must be restricted…

Did your mother dumb herself down when your daddy walked out, was occupied with other women or working shift on-top of shift to make ends meet?

Some women choose to be single, with or without children.

Then there are others who didn’t choose or want that path, when life thrusts it upon her she had no choice… failed relationships, failed marriage, ignorant/selfish prospects… yet she handled it.

Those who chose the path of ‘I can do it alone, I don’t want or need a man’ should not be viewed the same as those who have/had no choice in the matter.

The strength of a woman is not a curse but a blessing. Not every woman can rise above adversity and overcome life’s hardships. Women are always dealt a crappy hand but yet when you need us we are your ‘ride or die.’ We are the fools that forgive your indiscretions. We are the ones that support your wildest dreams. We are the ones you can cry in the dark with and will never question your manhood. We are the whores if we take on more than one man, yet you are a ‘G’, the ‘Mf Man’ the more women you are banging out…we are the ones left holding the bag and tagged as being ‘too independent’, ‘too damn strong’

Would I be marriage material had I left my family on the street? How about not taking care of my siblings? Hmmm, not educating myself? Better yet lay up on that cold steel table and allow someone to dig out the life in my womb because I chose poorly?

Men, do you give thoughts to the comments you make about women? Women should think before they speak, shouldn’t men do the same? Men want a strong women but if you’re considered stronger than them there’s an issue?

The strength of a woman should not be viewed in a silo. You should look at her whole being.

No matter how strong I appear to be or how much I hold my own I know how and when to let a man be a man. I don’t have to ‘dumb myself’ down’ nor am I a ‘Queen Bee’.

To be a Queen you must have a King. To be a King you must have a Queen.

A kingdom of weak rulers will perish under the rubble. A kingdom ruled by those who don’t know when to step back and let the other handle their position will not stand… evidenced by the lack of family units.

Those who read this may say I’m overly dramatic, or blowing this out of proportion. That’s okay, because I know what I’m made of.

Strong women fuel strong men. If my strength or women like me are too much for you, you’re not ready for a woman… a true ride or die chic.

Keep your little girls who will stroke your ego, sex you up, and be your trophy.

Don’t ever get sick and expect her to clean you when you can’t do it yourself. Or challenge the doctors when they poke and prod you with experimental medication. Or won’t help you look for a job because you to were laid-off.

The strength of a woman is not to be taken lightly or viewed negatively. The strength of a woman got you here regardless of your daddy being around.

I speak for these women:  the missing rib that completes you, defines the village, the strength when others try to destroy you. The women who loves  all of you, not just the tool swinging between your legs.

Dumb down + be less intimidating + be weaker  = less of the woman you are born to be. 

Thank you to those men who shared their true opinions of me. I pray you never have daughters and if you do you share your concepts of women with them. Let’s not forget your nieces, cousins, God-children. Build a nation by keeping women by your feet, instead of your side.

Lady in Waiting

I am the Lady in Waiting, strong and intimidating, who will stand by her man,

Empowering him, caring for him and knowing when to fall back.

He will love me for all that I am and I him.

He will embrace my strength and respect me as a woman

I am the Lady in Waiting who was taught strength by a woman

Given talents by her Creator

I am the Lady in Waiting who will be the crown for her King

When the rest of the world has turned their back

I will be the one to give him strength

We will cleave onto one another

Evenly yoked for we know the position each one must hold

I am the Lady in Waiting

A woman with a heart to love, arms to hold

And strength to persevere

© Soulmuze 2012

Music view: R. Kelly’s “Write Me Back”

As I listen to R Kelly’s latest cd I am reminded of so many things. He takes you a journey thru time and personal reflection. 

Kelly captures love’s transitions both positive and negative. Posing options for resolutions. Telling women things they would love their man to tell them. ‘We are beautiful in this mirror’ what an ego boost for someone who may be insecure with themselves! The beauty of love shared when 2 melt into 1.

Quality lyrics, smooth transitions defining tracks that will become classics. Never a one hit wonder  R. Kelly is a natural born lyricist and crooner. His music reminds me of the styling’s of Smokey Robinson, Teddy Pendergrass, Michael Jackson (almost a resurrection) and dare I mention to add Marvin Gaye. Then on the flip side I am reminded of the movie Hairspray, can’t really explain why. 

Some tracks take time to grow on me but definitely not on this CD. I was hooked from the start!

A worthwhile investment for the music lover in you. 

 

Rating: 10 out of 10 Bass Clefs 

© Soulmuze 2012

 

How do you fill the Grand Canyon?

I have been battling with this topic for a few days. Not really sure if I worded my emotions right or truly captured the essence of what I’m trying to work through. Maybe if I sat down and spoke out loud with someone it may have been easier. But sometimes you can’t talk to anyone but yourself. So I sit in front of my reflection having a dialogue with myself…

Have you given much thought to who you are, where you are and what you want? Well I do every day and every day that view changes. One day I’m closer to closing the gaps in my life but either the same day or the next I feel stuck in a rut. The gaps don’t seem to decrease… what once was a fracture, transformed to a crack,  a pothole, then here comes the Grand Canyon.  How do you fill the Grand Canyon?!

We have so many needs and as each one is satisfied there is another created leaving you in a state of constant  unfullfillment.  *extended sighs* … Yet there are some needs so great that they become an obsession. If that obsessive need or needs are filled you can manage without the others; creating a state of contentment. One of the most unfulfilled and obsessive need revolves around the heart.  How do you explain the hole you have in your heart?

Many people like to say just be grateful for what you have, be patient and wait for the rest. I’m guilty of saying it as well. It’s like a safety statement when you’re at a loss for words yet must say something. What we often fail to recognize is it’s not ungratefulness by any means. It’s a desire to feel some sort of completion.

The gaps in your core come from dreams and expectations you built up from childhood. Once you recognize the gaps you commit yourself to break the cycle. Being passionate about change keeps you on your grind to become and implement that change.  

You believe if you had the power to change the gaps in your childhood it would have made you an even better person as an adult. You never know for sure but if it’s your belief then it can become your obsession.

My gaps could be a result of being raised by a single parent, lack of open communication, lack of trust, lack of true and honest love, not fitting in, not having a solid relationship with my parent,  questioning my identity… doesn’t mean that I need a baggage handler, or you should run in the other direction, despite the gaps I’m keeping in together…trust!

If you can find a source to close the gap you gain more confidence and slowly you begin to fill the Grand Canyon of emptiness. Now there is always a spiritual component yet no matter how much you believe, it may not be enough.

People who are content with their lives easily spew “let go, let God.” but they are never around when I have emotionally let go and tears of despair are drowning me in the Grand Canyon. They don’t understand or maybe just don’t care because it’s really not their problem. Or maybe they deal with their gaps by pretending they don’t exist, rotting inside until one day it becomes too much to bare then boom! Or they abuse others since misery often loves company.

It’s truly hard to explain for some things have to be experienced. Even then they may not get it for no two experiences are ever exactly the same. Seeking to close the gaps often results in making decisions that make it even worse. Taking short cuts, accepting of things we know are wrong… We see this every day, no examples necessary, think about it… bad flashbacks but lets press forward shall we,

So how do I fill the Grand Canyon? Writing often helps me find answers or ways to cope with a situation. Sad to say I’m stumped on this one. I question if my dreams will ever truly be fulfilled, if not why won’t God just tell me so I can stop waiting. Or is He telling me and I’m not listening because I don’t want to believe I’m not worthy of the simple promises of love and life. This all may sound like mindless babble but it’s not. Anyone who thinks it is really can’t help me, help myself. The are probably looking at life through those infamous rose colored glasses, can’t see the forest through the trees or whatever that damn cliché is.

So what’s next? I can fill the Grand Canyon by packing up those gaps with cement and just go through life like a mechanical maniac. Hardened, insensitive and cold … sounds like a plan… but that’s not me by any means. Seems the more you search within yourself the greater the hole gets.

That’s where you are sadly mistaken. The more you search inside the greater your capacity to find your truths, healing yourself and most importantly you stop the expansion of the canyon. Every little pebble, or grain of sand you add is one step closer to fulfillment. We like to rush change but we must remember the gap started as a fracture. So the time it took to create the gap will be double the time to resolve.

We should not be disillusioned or discouraged when answers don’t come into full view immediately. Be enlightened by the time required for you will learn so much more than the time you have lost. When your Grand Canyon is filled it’s a permanent closure as opposed to a mere Band-Aid.

…The reflection still doesn’t fully satisfy my question yet gives me other avenues to focus on, mainly patience, learning and don’t let go… hmmm letting go seems so much easier, but not an option… When all is said and done maybe I can’t help myself but I can be a catalyst for change and resolution to someone else.

© Soulmuze 2012

What defines you as a mother…

the nurturing discipline you provide when they start to slide
the understanding ear you give them when they come to you to share
the emptiness you feel when they are away
the joy of celebrating their birthday
the things they teach you that you thought you already knew
the love and sensitivity they bring out in you
the new found patience you never thought you had

These things and more define unlike any other
A friend, a confident, the role of a mother
It’s beyond birthing in so many ways.
It’s unselfish acts you give until the end of days.

What defines you as a mother
It’s not always clear
But you know you must always be there

It’s far from easy and often times lonely too
Nonetheless once tasked you must follow thru

What defines you as a mother is truly hard to say
but once you’re labelled as one it’s a title that can’t be taken away

© Soulmuze 2012

I want to…

In matters of love whether you are young or old, experienced or not you will feel this way. You know but you don’t, not sure or won’t. It’s confusing in so many ways. What’s worse is you should just ask and hopefully he or she will answer honestly. However your fear of not getting the answer you seek keeps you from asking. Why do we subject ourselves to unnecessary emotional roller coasters? Wouldn’t you rather know the truth? Time is precious so why waste it on what you think someone feels instead of investing it in what you know. Don’t be afraid to know, let go or hold on to that which is true.

 I want to tell you how much I love you

I want you to hold me tight

I want to hear you say that you were thinking about me all day and can’t wait to see me tonight.

I want to feel the warmth of your breath on the back of my neck

I want you to brush away my tears and say ‘if you need me I will be here’

I want you to whisper my name over and over again

I want to see your smile every moment in time

I want to wake up with you everyday

I want to just hold your hand

I want the world to know you love me and won’t let go

Overwhelmed with ‘wants’ not sure if you feel the same

I don’t believe they are selfish or one-sided or are they?

I want to know if I feel all these things alone

I want to know if I should continue to stay or go

I want to have my feelings reciprocated

I want it delivered in words solidified by actions

I want to know that the feelings are true

I want to know, do you love me the way I’m loving you?

 © Soulmuze 2012

Thoughts at a Passion Party

There are so many places we go, things we support and do without a second thought. I recently attended a “Passion Party,” you know what I’m talking about. They are called by varying names depending on the franchise but it all boils down to a sexual enhancement purchase party.

This was the first one I attended and I must say it was fun. The ladies in attendance really know how to bring life to any room, and the product demonstrations added to the evening LMAO!. My first rule of the evening was “I’m not going to the bathroom to try anything. TMI!” … moving right along.

As we played games, laughed, tasted edible lotions and watched interesting gadgets of varying sizes my mind briefly wandered. Not to that of sexual fantasies but more towards the need for these toys and how it aligns with passion and pampering. At the event I was the only single woman. As I listened to the others I learned their view on intimacy and the role these items played within their respective relationships. Just like eating food we add different things to spice up the taste, same goes for incorporating items to fulfill your sexual fantasies. Yet, as a single, I had a different thought; status always alters one’s views…

Women have needs regardless of their relationship status. These products fill the void for the single or enhance it for the involved. As a single how long does the satisfaction of this artificial enhancement truly last? They are supposed to serve as place holder yet they become full out replacements for many. I hear many women praise their bullets and rabbits more than they say they long for physical intimacy or love their mate.

The role these products once played has evolved from adding a little creativity between lovers to being a replacement for the single or unsatisfied woman. It takes me to over think some damn sex toys but I really couldn’t help it. I couldn’t stop the thoughts, is this the road I have to travel as a single woman? Once I start taking that trip will I just say fuck it, this works for me? Throw in a couple of cats or a pocketbook dog and keep it moving? Yes I am dramatic but remember I’m also sensitive and still have a smidgen of hope in fairy tales.

Will “Bob” (battery operated boyfriend) be my life partner? Pros: he will be ready on spot, go wherever I ask him, no arguments as long as I keep him charged up and loyal until his dying day. Cons: can’t talk to me, kiss me, hold me, look me in my eyes and tell me how good I feel, tell me how good ‘it’ is, can’t laugh with me or wipe my tears, and the list goes on.

Bob cannot give me anything that defines true passion that’s found when engaging with another human being. Passion is beyond an orgasm; it’s an amorous feeling or desire. Pampering is to treat or gratify often with extreme indulgence. Hmmm is this mechanical water resistant tool truly enough to satisfy my passion and pamper me? The tool that gives me what I yearn is attached to a full bodied man who’s hips move rhythmically with mine. One who wraps his strong arms around me, as we create a moment that will be unlike the previous and not as good as the next one to come. The warmth from two bodies each one caressing the other, appreciating the curves whether they are large or small, and if only for that moment in time extending a feeling of sheer amorous perfection. Don’t think that Bob can do all of that, do you?

I mean beyond the toy what good are edible lotions if I have to eat them myself? Or candles that melt into massage oils for me to massage myself? I don’t see any fun in that. Bob may get me off, but really the annoying buzzing and clicking a button to change the speed to increase pleasure… mechanical love making? Bad enough some men are mechanical, but damn at least you have a chance to teach them. Bob will never be anything more than an instrument, a man-made reminder that the extent of my sexual satisfaction is dependent on Duracell, Energizer or whatever triple-A’s are on the market.

Now, I’m not knocking the hustle, sex sells in all forms! If there weren’t a demand then the market wouldn’t exist. These items are the sole provider of sexual satisfaction for many singles and that’s all good … for them but for right now I don’t think it’s enough for me. As silly as this may sound, a knock-off to get-off just won’t do! LOL  Maybe one day I will be a full out convert, just not today.

In the meantime, I will still enjoy the banter of the ladies at the Passion Party, laugh at the gadgets and enjoy the games. After all it’s still a party…

© Soulmuze 2012

Emotional me

All my life I have been sensitive. One would think that I would become hardened by the many times I have been blindsided, played, used or whatever you choose to describe it. I can’t blame anyone but myself for those pitfalls. Most of the time I guess I saw it coming but chose to ignore it. Why? Because I want to believe in the goodness of people instead of accepting things for what they truly were/are.

♦ “She faced the hardest times you can imagine, and many times her eyes fall back the tears…” 

Like I said despite that I’m still extremely sensitive. I have tried to stay separated from others emotionally (with the exception of my family). Separated from loving, caring or trying to understand them, their pain and it continues to be … an epic fail! I have hurt people both intentional and unintentional. Yes, intentional so they can feel what they made me feel. Did they learn from it? Most likely, no, you can’t learn if you don’t truly care. Did I learn from it? Yes! The reward of revenge was short lived. It didn’t alleviate my pain, it worsened it. The pain they caused me was enhanced by the guilt of my revenge. While I tried not to care and separate myself I couldn’t. I was designed that way so the best thing is to accept, embrace and work with it.

♦ “And when her youthful world was about to fall in, each time her slender shoulders, ror the weight of all her tears, and a sorrow no one hears, still rings in midnight silence in her ears…” 

So I work through it, being emotional is what defines me. I was given a good heart which many lack. I wear my emotions on my sleeves, everyone can’t have a poker face; on rare occasions I luck out with a successful poker face but that’s too few and too far between.

Tears are like air for me, ever present and ready to flow. Happy, sad, proud, frustrated, angry, watching a movie, reading a book, watching the news, hearing of someone’s pain or misfortune… If our tears are God’s oceans then with me there is never a drought! While I have no choice but to accept my sensitivity it can be slightly embarrassing. When  I hear how great my children are or I get a text message bearing bad news or one of sweet words (those definitely don’t come enough), or my baby says me she loves me… my eyes get all watery… yeah I know it’s a bit much and beyond my control.

You see emotional me is just a sign of my humbleness. I have been blessed with many talents that I share and gifts that I appreciate. I know my quality and worth yet I am not cocky about it. Let me say I do have my moments of puffing out my chest but my humble reactions far exceed that peacock pride. Some people are recognized and complimented so much it’s their air but me, I’m not. So when I get it toward myself or my family I’m often humbled to tears and hold that morsel close to my heart. When people experience pain or a loss I’m humbled to tears because I have or may experience it at some point.

Emotional me is a rough and often a lonely road. Many don’t or can’t understand my reactions. It’s often viewed as childish, ‘you’re too emotional’, ‘it’s not that serious’, etc., the audacity of those who belittle my emotions… while I no longer expect  to be understood it still can be quite upsetting. It seems people would quicker accept if I were indifferent or hid behind a mask so we can waste time trying to figure out each other’s feelings. Well when I reach the point of indifference your existence doesn’t matter to me and we live in a world a masked avengers why must we proliferate it within what we consider true relationships.

Yes emotional me is an emotional extremist. Why not? I’m not an empty person so why keep empty people around.

♦ “Let her cry, for she’s a lady, let her dream for she’s a child, let the rain fall down upon her, she’s a free and gentle flower growing wild” 

Emotional me is all I know how to be. When you come across someone who is emotional don’t be afraid. That’s the one who may give you their heart, share your pain, remind you that you are not alone and will hold you in their arms all night even if it only brings you the smallest amount comfort… Besides isn’t that what God does for us…

♦ Song lyrics from Wildflower by New Birth

© Soulmuze 2012