All my life I have been sensitive. One would think that I would become hardened by the many times I have been blindsided, played, used or whatever you choose to describe it. I can’t blame anyone but myself for those pitfalls. Most of the time I guess I saw it coming but chose to ignore it. Why? Because I want to believe in the goodness of people instead of accepting things for what they truly were/are.
♦ “She faced the hardest times you can imagine, and many times her eyes fall back the tears…” ♦
Like I said despite that I’m still extremely sensitive. I have tried to stay separated from others emotionally (with the exception of my family). Separated from loving, caring or trying to understand them, their pain and it continues to be … an epic fail! I have hurt people both intentional and unintentional. Yes, intentional so they can feel what they made me feel. Did they learn from it? Most likely, no, you can’t learn if you don’t truly care. Did I learn from it? Yes! The reward of revenge was short lived. It didn’t alleviate my pain, it worsened it. The pain they caused me was enhanced by the guilt of my revenge. While I tried not to care and separate myself I couldn’t. I was designed that way so the best thing is to accept, embrace and work with it.
♦ “And when her youthful world was about to fall in, each time her slender shoulders, ror the weight of all her tears, and a sorrow no one hears, still rings in midnight silence in her ears…” ♦
So I work through it, being emotional is what defines me. I was given a good heart which many lack. I wear my emotions on my sleeves, everyone can’t have a poker face; on rare occasions I luck out with a successful poker face but that’s too few and too far between.
Tears are like air for me, ever present and ready to flow. Happy, sad, proud, frustrated, angry, watching a movie, reading a book, watching the news, hearing of someone’s pain or misfortune… If our tears are God’s oceans then with me there is never a drought! While I have no choice but to accept my sensitivity it can be slightly embarrassing. When I hear how great my children are or I get a text message bearing bad news or one of sweet words (those definitely don’t come enough), or my baby says me she loves me… my eyes get all watery… yeah I know it’s a bit much and beyond my control.
You see emotional me is just a sign of my humbleness. I have been blessed with many talents that I share and gifts that I appreciate. I know my quality and worth yet I am not cocky about it. Let me say I do have my moments of puffing out my chest but my humble reactions far exceed that peacock pride. Some people are recognized and complimented so much it’s their air but me, I’m not. So when I get it toward myself or my family I’m often humbled to tears and hold that morsel close to my heart. When people experience pain or a loss I’m humbled to tears because I have or may experience it at some point.
Emotional me is a rough and often a lonely road. Many don’t or can’t understand my reactions. It’s often viewed as childish, ‘you’re too emotional’, ‘it’s not that serious’, etc., the audacity of those who belittle my emotions… while I no longer expect to be understood it still can be quite upsetting. It seems people would quicker accept if I were indifferent or hid behind a mask so we can waste time trying to figure out each other’s feelings. Well when I reach the point of indifference your existence doesn’t matter to me and we live in a world a masked avengers why must we proliferate it within what we consider true relationships.
Yes emotional me is an emotional extremist. Why not? I’m not an empty person so why keep empty people around.
♦ “Let her cry, for she’s a lady, let her dream for she’s a child, let the rain fall down upon her, she’s a free and gentle flower growing wild” ♦
Emotional me is all I know how to be. When you come across someone who is emotional don’t be afraid. That’s the one who may give you their heart, share your pain, remind you that you are not alone and will hold you in their arms all night even if it only brings you the smallest amount comfort… Besides isn’t that what God does for us…
♦ Song lyrics from Wildflower by New Birth
© Soulmuze 2012
Soulful Storytellers LLC 