As I listen to Estelle’s “Thank You” I’m thinking wow in 4 minutes and 47 seconds she has captured my feelings on past relationships.
More often than not, the ones that mean something to you end as a result of one of you not being enough for other. Can’t really say who’s to blame but instead of gracefully writing off the chapter some find it easier to cheat. When relationships end on a cheating note each person questions what they brought or didn’t bring to the table. Too much of one thing, not enough of another so a third party is pulled in to fill the gaps. Ultimately the gaps that we’re attempting to fill actually widen and become more complex.
Relationships can’t be handled like juggling balls in a circus act. It requires focus and dedication. I don’t like to use the term work, then it take on a laborious context. It’s an exercise of patience, empathy, compromise, just plain old wholesome love. Any dissenting behavior in this exercise leads to failure.
“Thank you for making me the woman I am…” croons Estelle
Think about that sentence. Look at yourself, then your friends. What are their views on relationships? Now let’s change one word…
Thank you for making me the “man” I am…
Yes, men are victims too…
In many cases that ‘thank you’ is pretty damn harsh. Thank you for making me miserable, a bitch, selfish, disillusioned, untrusting, non-committal… What do you say, ‘you’re welcome, anytime, it was a pleasure to hurt you…’
How many people do you know who refuse to be in a monogamous relationships, just can’t be bothered with the opposite sex, nasty, gold digging, switched to their own team, etc, etc. Do you truly believe the behavior or view of relationships evolved without provocation?
It’s hard for me to believe they were born that way, well maybe some, but come on the majority, really? Our views on relationships are defined by our parents, our childhood, our environment and mostly our experiences.
When we repeatedly have bad relationships we use them as a foundation for the next (this applies to both platonic and intimate relationships). It’s like transitioning from an open road innocent and free; to adding cat eyes, just to help you see in the dark; adding guard rails, don’t want to go off sides; adding yield signs, think I need to pull back a little; adding stop signs, pump my brakes; adding stop lights, alright now something is not right; then when all the safety gear fails the full wall is resurrected, eventually shutting down the road altogether.
It’s important to look in before looking out. Consider what you have done to enable the negativity in the relationships. Review your choices carefully. Maybe the compromises you made to have someone in your life were not good for you. Desperate times do not always call for desperate measures.
Now..
Let’s reverse everything, make the Thank you positive
Thank you for making recognize what I should not compromise on
Thank you for making me stronger
Thank you for helping me recognize my own faults
Thank you for making me a better woman or man for the next one
Thank you for making me see I need to love me
Our first instinct is always negative and that’s okay, yet it’s important to pull out lessons learned about ‘you’. While you will always have a slightly bitter taste in your mouth for those failed relationships remember not to forget what they taught you… remembering makes that failure a success for you!
© Soulmuze 2012
Soulful Storytellers LLC 